Chinabound

I've been so busy! Zzz. Everyone has something on the 22nd. There's Jay's lunch, SS's cake/Hunger games, and Reed's formal thing. After an intense round of deciding I went for the Lunch option, only to  end up cancelling it because  I ended up forgetting to pack so parents were like CANCEL EVERYTHING so I did.

So as I'm standing around bored in the airport, here I am typing this blog post. Mum won't stop hyperventilating and dad and I are just like =_= calm down bro. It's really annoying and embarassing but pretty funny at the same time.

My sleepover was great! I've never had 5 people actually RSVP and come so yay! The rents were pretty chillaxed too. Even made bread. We had xiaolongbao (Yip's lost love) and dumplings (xtine's worst enemy). Xtine the steady hand did the LSP nails I designed and it looked so great I won't stop admiring my nails LOL.

So obviusly a round of Dota or two is obligatory. I told Jimface I GOTTA BREAK MY WR CURSE KYAAAA. So he went full-out PLing and all that and Timmeh went mid and his friends top yadayadayada  #cureforlancer but yeah what a way to go before I go China isolated from everyone.

Finally got my hybrid tablet!  It's a cheap ASUS trandformer book (took me two months research before deciding on something man still totally want a Surface Pro 2 for da gaming capabilities tho) anyway I'm still satisfied. It is so sleek and beautiful *^*

Anyhow, we're about to board now. I doubt I'll Have blog access but I'll do my best to do a Rach and record down my daily activities or just ya know instagram :D I'll miss you SS! Mumble! Ohwait you can just all Skype me lolol

Calm after the Storm

Long time no blog, blog! I'd just like to talk about how my recent days were (hectic brah).

First off, formal. I'm touched mummy decided to come home early from work to help me with my hair. Had to change dress last minute because for some reason I got skinnier and the strapless-dress kept on slipping off == We tried with clear strapped bras and everything but in the end, my un-provocative self gave in to a high-collared peplum dress. I think I made a good choice because I was going for an Audrey-look and it's more LBD than my dress before (which I was scared since they were selling it everywhere that someone would have the same dress as me but too chicken to post on the yr 12 page). I hastily did my makeup (didn't fail with the $50 eyeshadow yay) and ended up being half an hour late, oh well.

The actual event was... better than I thought! To be honest I wasn't a big fan of the food, since it's chicken everything and the dinner bread was hard to chew. And the photobooth had the longest, most ridiculous line ever (cmon guise we're in 10-inch heels here) and the toilet was one floor up. But I had fun socialising and just watching my friends all dolled up, even if they're not overly-girly in their everyday lives. As I said, I see events like this as an obligation, a ritual, and not necessarily a place to have all the fun in the world. So the fact that time passed quick without me being super bored is a big plus.

Onto today, I'm having a sleepover tomorrow and Yipperz just texted me saying that she could come! Wow I've never had a 5-people sleepover before (meant to have 7 in year 10 but half couldn't make it) I'm so excited yet nervous at the same time because hopefully my parents can be really hidden and nice and everything will work out and we won't leave crumbs in the carpet because they're such a bitch to clean up damn you inherited OCD.

Jes came over today and our goal is: Shingeki, pig out. We went shopping center to buy heaps of food and just came home and started streaming SnK non-stop. I think I'm officially hooked. Gah. We made dinosaur pasta for dinner and Jes was like "let's crack an egg in there to experiment. It actually worked in our favour perfectly because the egg made it moar creamy! Ty Jes u gourmet cook of gastronomical excellence. I wish she was able to sleep over though because when she left I felt so lonely :(

I also finally sold that red nano today for $120 pick-up. It was a decent deal since everyone's asking me to sell for 100 pls guise just gtfo. He's buying for his gf and what I did like was how his texts had perfect grammar and how he organised the pick-up perfectly instead of being like all the other messages: "hey can u sel it 4 100" wtf if you gonna buy something talk properly adolescent child. I kind of just gave his gf the iPod and was like 'enjoy!'. Still man, if you wanna buy your gf an iPod buy a legit one not a Gumtree one LOL. Why's everyone messaging me about why I'm selling a brand new one jeez I ain't no Mafia/scammer.

Anyhow, wow I wrote alot. But that's basically what I'm up to. Currently my parents are asking me if I wanna dye my hair since mum's dyeing hers right now and there's plenty left over. Idk man I want burgundy not dark brown and I dun want the same colour as my mum jeeeez.

Days have gone by in a blur

I did not meet the required amount of exercise to look perfect for formal.

I did not sleep enough to regain a healthy complexion, either.

After a hefty confrontation on Saturday it was as if everyone had tried to cover up what had happened and go on with their lives.

Personally, I think it's the best way to go about things.

Vidya hauls me from reality and places me in a protected bubble where only my friends and I are allowed to enter, no crying allowed, only laughter and fun.

Me: Oi you gotta treat me to xiaolongbao again.
J: Sure sure!
Me: YAY :D <3
J: Only if I get to eat them all.

A: What kind of bees make milk?
Me: Cows?
A: BOOBEEEEEESSSSSSSS

On a happier note

"Oh I was about to say, this chick's cute. Then I realised it was you oh gawd."

Quote of the year.

Friends always cheer you up.

I cried alot today

Not even one week into my post-HSC freedom, and already I'm wishing to turn 18 and move out.

I thought we have established a silent pact not to get on eachother's nerves.

I've been occupying myself with various activities this holidays, I finished my resume edit, but since I'm going to China I thought I'd leave that till I return. I want to use that time to get driver's license too. I've started Nanowrimo, but my novel is kind of stuck atm.

Contrary to popular belief, I don't spend my entire existence playing Dota. I play it from 9 till 11, which happens to be the time mum comes in to check on me, before leaving muttering things like how I'm a good-for-nothing. Sad thing is I don't even play everyday.

But obviously, it doesn't please Mr. Asshole either.

What do you want from me, honestly.

I've said 100 times, job and car license comes after China, because nobody in their right mind would hire a kid who's gonna be overseas during the most busy season.

But you don't give a shit, do you.

"What's the point of her life, not finding a job after exams?"

"Yeah whatever let her do this she has nothing better to do anyway, let her waste her life gaming."

FYI, I missed dinner because I took a NAP, I didn't play for the entire day.

This isn't some teenage angsty first world problem.

This is someone who thought I was running away from home because I apparently "hung up on him" even though I just missed a call.

This is someone who would NEVER hear me explain because I'm apparently just a teenage gaming thug.

Yeah man, I'm totally drinking smoking doing drugs all day.

And wow, talking shit about me to my mum, that's low, even for you.

Blood runs thicker than water, you're not gonna turn her against me that easily.

Yes, you are aware that I can hear every word because our house is so deadly silent. And as I dramatically waste the world's supply of kleenexes you just go on and on.

Because I have no feelings.

If you hate me, say it to my face. I've been nothing but civil, respectful and a freaking BUTTER to you.

What did I ever DO to you? You know I was planning to get a job so I can buy you that stupid TAG watch you always wanted.

Sorry I can't be like your son, who's on his path to becoming a government official or some Chinese corrupted shit.

So,

Fuck You Fuck You Fuck You Fuck You Fuck You Fuck You Fuck You Fuck You 

Go kill yourself, before I do that myself.

New Life, New Goals

I have compiled a list of resolutions because I'm at loss of what to do after HSC. 

In no particular order:

1. Lose weight, take reset program, work out everyday.

2. Start going to church every Sunday

3. Volunteer with mum for local charity

4. Get back in-the-know with Steam group

5. Finish some notes for selling, get clearance forms/everything signed

6. Help mum with USANA work

7. GET A JOB

8. Compile shopping list (makeup, accessories, gadgets...etc)

9. Organise sleepover/High Tea/Outings

10. Bento delivery for Jessy at library

11. Cook for Alicemummy

Post HSC Fails

I think I did alright for Ext 1, but the rest of my days had been filled with lots and lots of fails.

1. Met up with mum to eat at Chef's Gallery, we accidentally ordered too much and I'm still bloated and fat.

2. Bought more Superdry T-shirts (I own like 6 now OTL), accidentally left shopping bag at Happylemon and had to run all the way back to grab it. Luckily nobody took it.

3. Ran for IMAX because we were about to miss the movie, spilt half of my drinks midway.

4. Finally got home, opened steam, accidentally started converting GMod and now the program is literally frozen for an hour.

So yeah, sigh. Ah well, I'm kinda bored now.

Review for Gravity 3D up soon (hopefully)

AMU

It's not that hard to just shut up and not say anything.

It's not that hard to not make up lies in order to justify certain inconsistencies.

It's not that hard to pretend to support one's path to redemption.

I take full responsibility for screwing up the most important time period in my life.

I get slapped in the face everyday by my own incompetence and regret.

So that's enough, really, I don't understand how you're helping or making things worse in any way.

There's no point to your actions.

And you thought there was an agenda behind all of this.

Sorry sir, I am not intelligent enough to have hidden motives.

Paranoia can be a good thing

Just realised this, so I take everything back, I don't wanna jinx myself and regret 5ever.

;A;

We have gone back

And I'm awfully glad that we did, it brings a stupid smile to my face everytime I think about it.

I miss the pre-HSC days when we'd actually have fun and mess around.

It's like we're PREPARING for the coming days of post-HSC relaxation, to fall back into our old phase of chitchatting everyday regardless of who starts the conversation.

And this little infatuation will also inevitably reach an end, I foresee it in the not-so-distant future.

One word to describe my HSC experience was... procrastination and regret. I realised that you can't learn everything last minute, the economics exam was a perfect example of not being prepared while Modern was just a stroke of Godsend luck. Chinese curbed my cockiness and I'm praying all day that extension 1 wouldn't turn out disastrous.

I'm also starting my diet plan early, because less than a month is just not good enough.

[REVIEW] Fictionpress

  Modern is over! So I finally have the time to put this blog together. Since I gave my Steam account away I spent the majority of my time reading Romance fictions on Fictionpress. I've pretty much read all the most popular ones, but I do not plan on reviewing all of them because I had problems with many. What I will do however is list the ones I did take a liking to, link them, and write abit about them.

  I can't include the apparently super duper good ones because the authors removed their stories due to other people plagiarising their work (lolsrsly they're not making a profit who cares why so obnoxious see now you miss out on more publicity). Also, these stories are all HET because I'm not into this whole slash business.

Pigothy's Fictionpress Recommendations
Part One. In no particular order

'So Much To Learn' by star123
Probably the most popular story on my list. It's about a girl who pressures her brother's best friend to teach her how to 'put out' for guys. star123 is a great author, and I thoroughly enjoyed all of her works. Plus she's Aussie, so I understood many of her terms. My favourite thing about this story is its imperfect narrative voice, the main character can be such an ass sometimes. Character relationships are also well thought out, just the right amount of smut. All in all, a very nicely written story with no loose ends.

'Hiring a Hooligan' by Deena
How I love this story, Dpz loved it as well. A capital C for Characterisation. You'd think all nerdy girls in stories become hot once you take their glasses off, not Jane. Her personality is so wacky and goofy I have grown to love her. How about the main guy? A thug who looks like an Irish schoolboy? What? Let's add a delinquent cougar grandmother and gay Indian friend to the mix. The story is also filled with maths and science puns and jokes, the author obviously did their research.

'Avery Susan Sanders is Not An Ass' by Justice Bana
This story puts a twist on a poor girl in rich school cliche, because the main character drifts from one guy to another. I'm not sure exactly where it excels at, because it's just a well-rounded piece that kept me hooked. The characters are very endearing and there's alot of drama. The whole ASS thing is a recurring joke which makes me laugh every time anyway.

'The Inexplicable State of Being There' by big.breaks.and.laryngytis
The best he-said, she-said story I've read so far. Don't let the summary fool you into thinking it's some crappy teenage novel. I really like how the whole 'watching eachother undress' thing ties the main characters together in a weird relationship. The story progression is well-paced and the ending was satisfying. It's often hard to work with this kind of format, but the author did very well.

'The Broken Road' by MandyHubbard
The only historical fiction on my list, the author also had one of her stories published. I like how the main character is blind, and so the author uses alot of auditory, olfactory and sensory imagery to illustrate her feelings. The setting of a 19th century England did feel genuine, but the escalated drama within the story reminded me that this is just another story. Smut was decent and subtle enough, but the main girl seems too innocent for that kind of stuff.

'Sabotage' by Mardy Bum
Before I go on with the story, I have to give a big (Y) to the author. She's so freaking cynical and 'I don't give a crap about what you think', her notes are incredibly entertaining to read. Sabotage is a dark, Revenge-esque story revolving around the 7 Deadly Sins. Not unique you ask? Wait till you submerge yourself into the twisted relationship between heroine and her love interest (it took me a LONG while to realise he's the main male lead). I was so hooked I read this story in a day. There are some inconsistencies with the language and sometimes character names but it gave the story an air of home-brewed authenticity. The author more than makes up for it with her awesome writing skills, metaphors and motifs and all that.

'100 Love Letters' by Aurette
A unique story about a girl writing letters to her future husband and then she meets a hot singer. I'm really conflicted over this story, because I was so hooked but the ending was really unsatisfying. It's one of those books when the author dangles a bait before you but just as you're about to take it they throw it far away. It became more and more painful to read on because I'm pretty much screaming "JUST GET TOGETHER PLS". So if you like cliffhangers, and lots of drama, this story is great. Check out the author's other stuff!

'From Beginning To End' by HeadAboveTheWater
SO. MUCH. DRAMA! What started off as an innocent high school friendship story spiraled out of control with pregnancy, lies, fame and the whole bagful of other feels. Poor Crystal and Jake, so many obstacles stood in the way of their union, but I guess that's what makes the ending so freaking satisfying. There's a sequel up too! Some grammatical mistakes here and there, but nothing that makes me squirm uncomfortably.

Happy reading! More to come as I venture into the less-known stories on the site.

Post-HSC Games Shopping List

For motivation!
For PC:
How about a new gaming laptop to go with this so I can run games I already own but couldn't play
Skyrim DLCs
Hearthstone
Final Fantasy XIV ARR
Borderlands 2
Scribblenauts Unlimited
The Wolf Among Us
CS: GO / Half Life (to go with G-Mod)
Payday 2
And shitloads of Dota 2 Items I missed out while being away (DONATIONS ANYONE)

For PS3:
Gotta actually plug it in again and install updates for fifty hours
Beyond: Two Souls
Saints Row IV
DmC
Sleeping Dogs
Mirror's Edge (or just steal back the one I gave T.I)
LBP 2

In conclusion: GOODBYE SOCIAL LIFE

Up At 3AM, Not Tired, Just Regretful

I haven't blogged in a while, mostly because I'm too ashamed to talk about my past few days.

Yep, you guessed it, I've done nothing, of note anyway. I started a Wattpad story, but it's having a hard time upholding ground among all the cheesy One Direction fanfiction written by thirteen year olds, I didn't think the population of that site would be so... tweeny. So I guess that's a bust.

I have no idea what's wrong with me recently. Why couldn't I study for even an hour? I could do other productive things, but not study. 2 days till HSC, where's my wakeup call? Oh wait, it was an hour before this post was written.

I was watching The World's Strictest Parents, and some of them were Asian, looking at their lifestyles and how they strive to work hard to not bring shame to the family didn't come to me as comical. Though my parents aren't strict at all, suddenly I feel like my laziness and lack of motivation IS indeed bringing shame to my family. They can't show me off to their friends, there's nothing they can show off about. That I go Sydney Girls? Not really considering I'm bringing shame to my school as well. Some people I know put me in a bubble, but I'm a crap representation of what my school is. Rents would tell me "We'll just wait for your end results" and I'd tell them "WELL JUST LOOK AT MY END ATAR THEN" but now I feel afraid, because I don't want to imagine their faces when I come home with an asterisk or something.

 It's saddening because I'm not sure if 2 days are enough to make up for the entire year that I've lost. I've always thought, oh I have until Trials, oh I have until HSC. Oh look, HSC is fast approaching, what have you done Selena? Where's all that hard-working-ness you've imagined you'd be the entirety of year 12 back in the day? Why are you swearing more than before? Are you straying away from Jesus? Why can't you even cram TWO DAYS before your exam? What are you doing with your life? Where did all that time go?

Another good way of looking at things is deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you, and welp, I'm not at all. I feel guilty every time I talk to your excellence, and I don't want my ATAR to disappoint anyone. You told me to just make the best out of my time, and fortunately I am doing work a teeny bit by a tiny bit. But it's so hard to get into hardwork 12hrs a day from none at all, you know? I can barely concentrate.

I hope this post can also bring epiphany to my fellow procrastinators and "I'll do it tomorrow"zers. Please, just do it. Force yourself to do it. Regret will come and it won't be pretty. And to those people already studying hard... Good on you! I am so proud of you! You'll all be doctors and lawyers!

Of Makeup, Selfies and Panic Mode

So I've been mundanely practising... you heard me... doing makeup everyday. Usually before shower because I really want to be able to apply eyeliner with a steady hand and figure out the right colour palettes and stuff before being able to use it in the long term. Onto a quick MAC review rant... My liquid pen smudges alot but I guess that's what you get for having hidden eyelids ;A; The pencil one is very difficult to remove (won't go on my waterline but I don't even know where my waterline is so yeah) and the mascara is pretty awesome. I tried on my new Guerlian lipstick today and whoaa that colour is so pretty even though it looked ugly as fk as a stick. I really want to be able to pull off this 'red lipstick' thing but we shall see xD

This girl in my grade is really good at selfies, so I asked HOW U DO DIS and  recommended me some apps. I tried this one out today and whoa the lighting is so much better than the regular camera. So I got bored and took heaps after I got home today and Eru asked if it was me in my dp and I'm like *embarassed* >_>. Yay I can totally be a uzzlang when I grow up if HSC don't go well.

Speaking of HSC... 10 days till HSC... what am I doing with my life? Nothing I tell ya! Nothing! KJFNKJDSFNKJSDFNKJDSFNKJDSFNKJSDFNKDFN AHEME FJAFHDSJF dSKJFNksdjf.

Also I got Ask.fm: http://ask.fm/pigothy

Music

Yes I finally figured out how to put music on my blog! And no it won't be on Autoplay because I'm not that obnoxious and repulsive. But if you're ever poking about on my Blog, feel free to give that 'PLAY' button a try and enjoy some of my favourite songs over the years :)

My iPod has a strange mix between Kpop, Jpop, Cpop and ofc mainstream pop. It has alot of electro house (namely A>N), vocaloid and anime themes. I also have some troll-meme songs like Puddi and Nyan Cat, along with some great covers. This playlist is pretty much my iPod in a nutshell.

Now obligatory Cheondung picture, it has been a long time.

True Blood Feels

Just some nonsensical, biased ramblings after watching four seasons of this show four days in a row.

Oh, expect spoilers, and gifs, lots of gifs.

Eric Northman

I've been waiting for that haircut for the entire season

It breaks my heart they'll probably never end up together like in the books and that he'll screw his sister

His height is really awkward most of the time because everyone has to look up to talk to him

Bill is a whiney little bitch

I mean seriously I grow to like him less and less as the show goes on, he used to be such a QTPie

Sookie is badass... most of the time

Sookie is a slut

Sookie thinks the entire world revolves around her

Eric Northman

Tara was cool, then she's also a whiney little bitch oh your life is just so hard ain't it

I stopped following Sam's storyline but he has a cute brother

Alcide is really huggable

His wolf form is even moar huggable

Godric is a sweetiepie

He dies too quickly

Witches be bitches
The Newlins are so funny

There's alot of sex, and boobs

Sookie reminds me of Ariel Lin and I get pissed over that

Eric Northman

Sophie-Anne is cool and I'm really sad that she died.

You eventually grow to love Jason Stackhouse

RENE IS BAE FROM OUAT AND I CRIED WHEN HES ACTUALLY EVIL

The website I watch from is so slow and I get really frustrated over it

Sookie falls in love with Eric's empty shell so it kinda feels like she's using him

How come Godric dies in like 2 seconds but Russell took forever and is still alive

Eric Northman

Jessica is cool and endearing

I have no comments on Lafayette

Pam looks like a pornstar
Hoyt is just... Hoyt

I have seriously been skipping through episodes post S3 because of the convoluted plotlines

Vampires have no sense of  personal space or privacy

DEM ACCENTS I can't take what anyone says seriously anymore

The show can be really repetitive

By the way, did I happen to mention Eric Northman

Kbye.

;A;

Sentimentality

To many this may come as an obligation, but to me it's more of a convenience, since writing cards didn't work out when I realised that I need to save all hand-strength for the HSC. Let's get started shall we? Long post ahead.

Year 7 had been a time of experimentation, I want to hang around with many people before I find one group to settle with. Interestingly most of my year 7 friends are my current friends, maybe this is fate? Special mentions to RKAK for being my first group ever. I suppose I'm extremely vulnerable at this time due to being bullied and excluded in primary school. I get so overly protective (and easily jealous) of all the people I like and I also desperately searched for a so-called 'best friend'. I met Nifky and Merry, who went on to become people very important throughout my entire high school journey.

Year 8 had been about being cool. I got to meet more people outside my year 7 circle and this is also the time when some people became awkward to talk to. I stuck with this amazing gurl called J and we did many interesting things together, but to a current-me they were embarrassing as fk. The two of us didn't exactly drift, so-to-speak, but more like found people to stick with. To J, you are awesome, you have always been awesome and I'm sorry I often said things that may have hurt you. You are one of the nicest, smartest girls I know and you'll grow up to be someone super successful.

Year 9 and 10 had been about settling down and having fun. I became close with Babe, Cheez and to a certain extent Lulu. We had our little group in the maths rooms. We moved onto the lowers towards the end of the year and met DA BOYZ lolol. I felt like I had to be someone I am not in order to belong (BELONGING DAMN YOU). And stupid me thought that being mean was the way to go. I also got to know Sidyl/Opar more and they are great friends I will always cherish. To my lowers/mathsroom group, you guys have brought me so much fun, and admittedly year 9-10 were the greatest years free from stress and frequented with outings. I apologise for being the meanest person ever and somehow I think this really justified what happened the year after. It's understandable why some of you wouldn't even spare me a glance or a smile, I was a bitch, and I'm sorry.

Year 11 had been a year of great change. It started off with a bang when I met transfers (Imma luking at chu WinLiang Julez CarDi) and got to attend class I actually liked (NO MATHS). Babe and Cheez were already gone, they moved on. Then I had to move houses and everything had just been so different and I was scared. Eventually there was that great drama of dramaticalness and at the time I was so depressed admittedly I was on the verge of killing myself or just anybody else I thought had been responsible of my distress. Though I had great grades teachers actually came up and asked me if I need help. I met Larina and she was my only source of comfort during this time. I got into Steam after receiving a new computer and eventually this came to undermine me in more ways than one. Two days after spending foreveralone lunch in the comp rooms suddenly it's Kalis' bday and Pancake asked if I want to buy her gift together. And then BAM, SS came along and brought me out of my misery. In the beginning I felt like an intruder because I'd just awkwardly sit there, too afraid to go anywhere else because I lived under the impression that everyone hated me (yes I became really self-blaming at this time). I suppose it helped that I knew pretty much all of them from our Yr 7 endeavors and Chairman/Chokmasta from year 10 and Steam. 

Year 12 had been when I consolidated my state of BELONGING (I can no longer take the word seriously). I grew closer to this fascinating community that is the SS. But the sad thing is, before I know it, there be no high school anymore. I had always wished for this haven't I? No more drama? No more exclusion? But wow, dear SS, you made me understand what it's actually like to have a group of friends who give a shit. I remember going downstairs one day after Xtine and Chairman had asked me if I were all right all because my blog that day might have implied something and literally yelling at my mum "MAMI I THINK I ACTUALLY HAVE FRIENDS!". She laughed at me. You guys really quite literally adopted me and made me one of your down. You didn't care that I am a gaming otaku who can be really perverted and just weird, I don't have to pretend to be interested in topics I don't like just to start a conversation. Wow, most of this just felt unreal. Thank you, thank you so much. Individual dedications ahead, in alphabetical order.

Chairman: We 'fight', like alot. And somehow I like it (MASO ALERT MASO ALERT). Nah I suppose I have come to accept and love your honest-straightforward personality. From annoying you with long nicknames in year 10 to comforting you when you feel down in the present you were really there second half of my high school life. To you there's no barriers of your FEELZ and in our world of many facades it's a valuable trait to have, keep it up. You're really cute and pretty (BUT HECK OF A SELF-CONSCIOUS PERSON) so continue having b00tiful luvos as your dps!

Chokmasta: Kawaii LoliChok. I'm just kidding. You're so fun to mess around with and wow in the game world you are one heck of a MANLY MAN. To me you are the true definition of a 'gamer girl' (I really hate this term but sadly it is socially acceptable to address some of us this way) and your prowness should be feared in the community. Outside of my teasing and our vidyas you are very kind and sweet, though hesitant to express your feelings (MAYBE YOU HAVE NO FEELZ?). You should let me violate hug you more.

Jojo: MY STALKER FROM YEAR 7. Haha our meeting had really been unexpected and you were probably the first person whose personal space I ever intruded. You are very quiet most of the time so in year 11/12 I found it hard to start a conversation with you (I didn't know what your interests were either) UNTIL MPGIS. You're hilarious and I realised that you aren't so 'shy' after all. I was the first person to luvo with you, HA!

Kalis: My biffle from year 7. Haha you must have been so awkward around me back then because I latched onto you like an abalone (reference stolen from Xtine) and got jealous easily to the point of being mean to others. You are actually responsible for making me into an old perv D< Remember the humping King incident? YEAH THAT REALLY OPENED MY MIND ALRIGHT. Anyway despite being so hilarious all the time you are very mature and nice (though said word seemed like such an understatement). I am glad even at the end of year 12 we can still be great twins friends.

LinC: Now you, missy should take a luvo or two with me sometime!! You may not remember but back at orientation camp I helped you with your harness and I also witnessed your embarrassing slip on the abseiling cliff. I felt so guilty because I thought it was all my fault. You are shy but ONLINE HOWEVER you're so sassy and confident with all your Kpop lubs and though I'm not a huge part of some extensive EXO/Infinite/Whatevs fandom like you I can totally relate the pain of not being able to marry everyone I like ;A;

Pancake: Till this day I'm still as apologetic as fk for my behaviour towards you in year 7. But you are one of the most open-minded and forgiving people I know. We became close-ish during Jap in year 8/9 and dayum those Pancake-less Jap classes were so painful. You're hilarious and not afraid to give anyone a piece of your mind ("You asshole", "What a scumbag"...etc) You got me into alot of your faves like Sips and Nova and remember our FF.net endeavors when we were young and stupid well your reviews always made my day. You're also superawesome at baking ermahgerd dat cake.

Sweetie: You always came off as intimidating back in year 9/10 Jap. I suppose you were one of those tall, purdy people who gave off such a confident and mighty aura and I was scared as hell approaching you. Coming to SS however we bonded throughout those free periods and trips home together. You are my fellow Chokmasta's-yandere-army-of-two member and you also invoked my inner BL/Jrock love BUT I WILL NEVER COME TO THE DARK SIDE. You are very accepting, despite dem glances you throw at me whenever you catch me playing my sad games ("I'm judging you!").

Tofu: I met you in Scripture back in the beginning and you are one of the most faithful people I know. I'm not afraid to talk about Jesus near you and in our society today staying true to what you believe in can be real hard. You also like kawaii/fobby things and we should totally wear co-ordinating Harajuku outfits one day xD Too bad your church is far from where I live because I had a great time there (BUT IS IT JUST THE FOOD WINK WINK jk your mum's such a fantastic chef). Btw nice house :D

Xtine: You are one crazy, lazy, rebellious mofo! In the beginning I was totally intimidated by you because you and Rabit got into trouble together and I'm just like WHOA what a badass. Haha beneath all your "OMG I CEEBS"-ness you are such a great, thoughtful person. For example you always remember people's birthdays and even if they never asked for anything you'd still organise something. You are superb-ly inappropriate but I suppose that's just one of the many things I love about you. You're also good at drawing and pretty much anything if you're bothered to make effort. Work hard for HSC cousin (GoT reference in case you don't know).

Yipster: Now out of everyone you're probably the person I knew least in the beginning. Hence I was so intimidated and confused whether you'd accept me or not. You're really pretty and fashionable with your girly (and sometimes fobby) way of dressing and my mum's kinda obsessed with your looks ("LUK @ UR FREND Y U NO PURDY LIEK HER"). I love snapchatting you and texting you too but I'm sorry if I don't seem to do it often but that's like in the case of everyone because I spend pretty much all my time at home gaming/not doing work. I'm so glad to have bonded with you through recesses and lunch and I reckon you'd make the best shopping buddy SO COME SHOPPING WITH ME SOMETIME.

#graduation

I've been reading through everyone's yearbook pages, and somehow many of them have come off as somewhat enlightening. Particularly this one of my old friend's. I finally understood how she felt all this time, and I feel indefinitely guilty because I felt like I may have contributed to whatever she went through. Unlike everyone else I didn't cry (the Captain/V.Captain speech nearly got me though) because somehow I may have no emotions. LOLJKS when I get sad I just laugh alot in a retarded way.

Graduation wasn't overly eventful. Muckup Day was ruined by a certain Matkobitch but I had so much fun dressing up and taking photos. Everyone had awesome costumes and putting on makeup is becoming easier for me, just in time for HSC gr8 let's all cake our faces before entering exams. The afternoon tea didn't have particularly great food and they used the same catering company as our committee last year.

I want to write a sentimental blog post but yes it's 3am and I'm up watching True Blood (no hot guys but Y SO ADDICTIVE 4). Anyway, here ends my high school journey. Time goes by so quickly and sometimes I wonder if I am able to keep up with it.

Goodbye making up excuses for being late in the morning.
Goodbye sleeping in class and never getting caught.
Goodbye crowded bus trips where I attempt to check out cute sprouters and glare at rude juniors.
Goodbye awkward waves (or simply feigned ignorance) at Steam friends from SB.
Goodbye recesses and lunchtimes filled with meaningless conversation and good humor.
Goodbye free periods wasted watching anime or discussing the beautification of Chokmaster.
Goodbye people who are there but I don't talk to often, I wubbed you all.
Goodbye lovely teachers, and the not-so-lovely ones dead-set on ruining your day.

To tomodachi, this is not goodbye, because I know we'll all see eachother again very soon, and often. I support tofu's idea of weekly catch-up lunches.

*Insert teardrop here*

Guilt-Tripped

  Informal assembly had been so impeccably organised, I was so surprised it went so smoothly since we barely had any rehearsals at all, or at least, I hadn't been to any. Onto today's bizarre events...

  Binge-shopping with mum was fun, but time always go by so quickly and we were barely through with like 3 of the shops before they all started closing -_- Australia = No nightlife. Anyhoo, my mission today was to make a decent costume for Wednesday, I finally decided on a Flower Fairy in white.

  I found a flower crown at Lovisa that I liked but I was indecisive and I'm like nah I'll see if there are better ones but when I didn't find any decent ones I literally ran back AND THEY WERE SOLD OUT. I ended up buying this pearly one from Diva but nomatter how many times mum calls the Lovisa one ugly I had deep regrets. Anyway, other purchases today are finally a pair of Lee Riders, some cheap SES shiz (inc a dress to complete my fairyness), cotton PJs, MAC makeup (my first set besides those crappy BYS stuff I bought when I was tiny!!), and Korean snacks, obviously. I couldn't find any white fairy wings, so I bought some off eBay and hopefully it arrives before Wednesday (it says before OR ON Wednesday).

  Anyway, I don't know whether I was high, angry from the flower crown or just purely impulsive but I passed this Beauty consultant place on my way back home and I found some fake flowers lying around on the table. The place was open-style and since it's like 6 it's pitch black and 100% empty besides that awkward bouquet lying on the table (sorta like the information table that you pass in shopping centers). I was like hey this matches my dress with its perfect colours  someone must have left it there since perfect *takes*. I know, you can report me to police or kill me now I  later realised it was a decoration for the room (otherwise why would someone put a bouquet of fake flowers on a table?! Even if it's not in a vase) a while later and I kinda just stole it and there are probably security cameras everywhere looking for the thief OH GAWD. As soon as I got home dad inevitably made rude remarks and it only fed my guilty conscience and I'm like omg I have to return it omg then he's like you took it already no returning. FKFKFKKFKFKFKFK I'm returning it anyway as soon as I get the opportunity.

  Speaking of being guilty, on that gay game some guy from the guild got angry at me for kicking him after he dced for MPD. I lied and said he quit himself and since he was all angry and sweary while I was calm and rational people stood up for me (and even said that everyone else quit and we would've gotten owned anyway, also I did not use gender to advantage because I'm a guy in the game) and the officer even threatened to kick him for making drama. I felt really bad so I quit the MPD and lost my daily attempt. I tried to send him a rose but he UNFRIENDED me. It's just a game dude, but anyway I apologised many times and since he unfriended me I can't send compensation to him so his loss.

  So yeah, future criminal?

Little Miss Pathetic 2.0

  Tunic Day! I enjoyed fooling around with legit juniors with my dress-up antics. However I think the most enjoyable part is definitely 1)Kawaiifying your friends and 2)Having an excuse to take photos with them because yay photos! My tunic feels constrictive (HSC weightgain/puberty BAH) but very comfy (there's no need to constantly pull it down in order to avoid flashing and the waist doesn't choke me because there's no need to roll it up!) It's interesting to see everyone hemming it the night before though xD

  What else is interesting? OH YEAH, just when I thought I have moved on from a certain quacking creature it just had to be brought up TWICE today. INSERT OBLIGATORY BLUSH HERE. The more I think about it the more conflicted I feel because what's already complex become more complex until it swirls into a void of complexity beyond my transient understanding of the meaning of life... yadayadayada.

  I ought to start studying. This party environment is just making procrastination worse. I'm halfway between excited and nervous for finishing high school. *dramatic music* Six years of laughter and tears and general derpy moments. I'm not sure if I'd be one of those people who cries at the end of the year.

Disappointment

Disappointment all around. I suppose with all that wasted time I wouldn't have been productive anyway. And standing around for a few hours... that counts as a part of the formal diet right? Anyway, Chairman said she's proud of me for being honest even though the fams just got plain angry because I 'could have been studying' and 'have no right to complain about wasting time'.

[REVIEW] Gakuen Ouji

It's funny how I always seem to review things I have many, many complaints about. But ah well, it's things like these that get me really fired up. If it were something good like Reimei no Arcana or Ima Ai Ni Yukimasu all I have to say would be “It's good, go read/watch." I actually did write about them but one entry died with Otakuzone and the other you'll have to find somewhere in my pile of old blog posts.

Pull yo pants up.

Anyway, Gakuen Ouji had been my new craze within the past 2 days. I was trying to find a smutty story from Pink no Idenshi and I came across it. My first impression had been "Hmm the main guy's cute, let's give it a read maybe it'll be Shinji Mayu style." Needless to say I became addicted. I read it everywhere I go.

I mean a stupid plot like this just give it so much potential! A world of female domination, inherent sexual tension between the main characters, abundance of fanservice, indicators of future smutty goodness and how everyone has an extensive back story which somehow connects every character together in some way. The funny bits actually had me in stitches, the main girl isn't too hateable upon first impression since she isn't a total pushover. The guys have a lot of imperfections and already I knew I was in for a long ride.

Racist imagery of a black monkey (its owner is Indian).

I suppose the plot is pretty stupid, I mean a former all-girls private school with only a handful of (hot) males already sound bad enough. What's worse is that every guy in the school risks getting sexually harassed unless they're either 1) An unapproachable delinquent, 2) A high-up idol, 3) A sex-crazed player who really doesn't give a crap and 4) Taken by another girl in the school shown through the exchange of ties. 

So Mizutani is a transfer student, he's pretty mysterious and decent-looking. The classes are ranked and naturally being the rare species that is a male he got placed in the S class where only the brightest of the crop go. After being given a general run-down of the school he got pretty freaked out and once girls start chasing after him wanting to give him a 'baptism' (pretty much to violate him) he finds nerdy girl Okitsu who just wants to blend in hiding in a cupboard. He's like, hey let's choose option four and declares her as his girlfriend without her consent. So naturally the girl gets bullied by her sheep-like classmates, and the two eventually do their best to act couple-like in front of other students (INSERT PLOT DEVELOPMENT HERE). 

Akamaru, the QTPie Tsundere

Alot of other things happen, such as shitty transfer students (seriously can someone in this world PLEASE be nice to Okitsu for once, why does everyone have a villainous side to them? It gets totally predictable in the end). She realises that the hot tsundere guy who falls into category no 1 is actually her long-lost childhood friend and Mizutani faces public rape execution and they all have to save him. Each individual 'arc' were actually pretty interesting and well-paced. This is when the English translations end and I thought I had to wave goodbye to Gakuen Ouji forever... UNTIL I found the Chinese RAWs and you have no idea how damn happy I was to have made that discovery, since the manga's so nice so far.

UNTIL Okitsu starts dating Akamaru.

I thought of Akamaru (sweetiepie, I totally ship them but still) like the dude with a crush on the MC but will never have his feelings reciprocated, or the MC's one-time boyfriend who never kisses/sleeps with her because that would be against the rules of Shoujo Manga. Well, I thought again, alright, I guess this must be a plot twist where the girl actually ends up with the nice guy. But then Okitsu starts to show signs of liking Mizutani once again (because he totally didn't just betray you) because she is such a slutbag. But all dat intuition happens to be wrong because some villain feeds her aphrodisiacs and she seduces Akamaru and I'm like that's it I'm so done I want to see mah smut but this is not the smut I want to see because it makes 0 sense. Turns out slutbag Okitsu mumbles Mizutani's name in her sleep and breaks poor Akamaru's heart.

"Come find me anytime." Douche.

Of course Okitsu ends up with Mizutani. But the stupid ending was rushed, unjustified and plain half-assed. I wanted to know so much more about all the characters but the author decided to reveal everything in 3 shortass chapters. Oi Yuzuki Jun, maybe you can tell me whatever happened to Akamaru when Okitsu totally dumps him like that? Maybe you can finally reward a faithful reader with some well-deserved smut? Anything? No. This is like Reborn! all over again. Freaking sigh.

Now, here are more problems I have with this manga. Firstly, the plot's unrealistic enough, why would an 'ugly' (pfft yeah just take off her glasses and she'd look hot) girl have a friggin harem inside an all-girl's school where guys are treated as rare treasures? Also, majority of the 'smut' in this manga is Mizutani getting molested by girls, or the glasses dude having sex with all the girls. Which gets really repetitive and stupid after a while. Then the girl's personality keeps on changing from headstrong to a pathetic little weakling that can't fend for herself. I just get increasingly annoyed and agitated with her stupid indecision and self-pity. Also, something interesting to note is the heavy BL undertones present in this manga. Even the scanlators made funny pictures by changing the dialogue of some pics and turning them into yaoi.

Literally what half the manga consist of

So in conclusion, this manga would probably hook a person like me upon initial inspection. However, its quality gradually degrades and after one reaches the ending they will have already torn all of their hair out.

Dangers of Blogging

  Today Jess and I had a conversation about having a blog, I said something really unintentionally deep and I just HAD to write it down.

  I think how blogs are different from articles or essays is the fact that they're public (so you never know if what the author writes is true or not) and temporary (how the author is feeling when they write affects the overall quality of the entry).

  My blog has gotten me into whole heaps of trouble. Like falling out with OZ people, getting trashed for bitching, to creating millions of misunderstandings and generally have what I write come back around to me irl. I suppose I'm very sensitive when people mention my blog in any other online/offline occasion- because of how much shit this little site got me into. I swear my heartrate speeds up every time people start "hey you know in your blog...etc" because I'm so used to having bad stuff after. HENCE THE ANTIBITCH THING. People also always wonder if an entry is dedicated to them, which often, they are not. My friend at Even Ground once wrote something about how our blogs are a cluster of our angst and generally complex emotions. This was from long ago so don't expect a link.

  So anyway, back to my advice for Jess. I told her what I hate about blogging, which is getting judged forever for something that you've written mostly on a whim (even my 'reviews' are extremely transient). You also have to refrain from mentioning names, mentioning incidents and be generally vague about what you write about. These vague things can often be misunderstood and you land in deep pits of shitty shit.

  I have Anti-Bitch #3, review on Rolling Love, admiration for my tomodachi and finally an update to Stormy Days coming up for you guys.

Weightloss Pls

I was looking at some of my old photos and I'm like hey nice body. OHWAITIMSOFATRIGHTNOWCRYCRY.

Diet plan isn't going too well because
1) I'm still eating like the pig that I am
2) The only time I exercised for a decent amount of time I got sick the next day due to exhaustion and lack of clothing when running + cold breeze. and
3) I'm still not sleeping before 11pm

So yeah what I need to do right now is get up my fat ass and make sure I fit in a nice dress for formal so  I won't cry over photos of that night.

What is this HSClyf.

Exhausting Day

I've been getting addicted to this gay browser game called Wartune. I cannot stop.

So today is UTS open day, I went with Jes who brought a bunch of friends which was honestly super awkward in the beginning. Jes slapped makeup on me and since they're a dude it just looks very awks. I brought out the nicest tamest side in me but that facade kind of died when a dude said Dota sucks DX So I literally spent the entire day complaining about how LoL is a trash game and totally got hated upon. In my defense I respect both games, but one is seriously trash. And something that stuck in my head was one of the dude's statement: "Are you even that good at Dota". No, I'm not (better than you though ;D), however me being so biased over it does not necessarily mean that I'm a pro :) Anyway it was just generally awkward but everyone be so nice!

Later I met up with Lawy and we bought some stuff then travelled  to Tofu's house. Some crap went down with trains and we ended up waiting like half an hour for train. By this time I'm already sleepy as hell and I folded my hoodie into a pillow to sleep on Lawy's b00tif00l shoulder. As soon as we reached our destination I was more than glad to get off... LEAVING MY HOODIE BEHIND ON THE TRAIN. I always stop to check if I left something and today was not one of those days.

Tofu's party was... AWESOME. Everyone was there (rare occasion) and the food's just... omgidek. Too bad my head hurt due to contacts the entire time :( Anyhow, we were insane. Laughing, eating, taking photos. Chairman made an interesting discovery: I pose by enlarging my eyes and forming a 'W' shape with my mouth. SO TRUE OMG WHY HAVEN'T I NOTICED IM A FRIGGING NEKO A NEKO I TELL YA.

To Post-Trials

Herby: eeey are you 18 by any chance
Me: WHY DO U ASK
Me: ;)
Herby: dont get any ideas
Herby: THE FILM FEST
Herby: :(
Me: OH BUT I GOT PLENTY OF IDEAS

One word to describe post-trials: Lost.

I feel lost because there's nothing productive to do, or I could be potentially doing.

Unlike studytimes before trials, I cannot tell myself what I should do or even to procrastinate from.

Went shopping w/ mum on Saturday, Lord of the Fries was a disappointment, I was complaining about being too full the entire time to properly pig out. (WHY AREN'T I HUNGRY YET OMG WHY DID I EAT THOSE FRIES)

[REVIEW] ISWAK

  Despite being in the middle of trials I feel a need to talk about this drama I've watched before (and only recently stumbled upon), it's called It Started With A Kiss, and this review-thing mainly revolves around the sequel They Kiss Again. This semi-ancient Taiwanese drama dates back to the mid noughties.

Tabloids tell you nothing about the girl's horribleness.

  The plot had been based on a Shoujo Mange, so it's bound to be super cliche. Basically, stupid, clumsy, unattractive and insolent girl wins the heart of the number one sought-after handsome genius guy in the entire school through her persistence. So realistic, no? I recently decided to look back on some of the old dramas I've watched and I'm in a Joe Cheng spree of sorts at the moment so I should feel obligated to watch this one. I've never been interested in this kind of plot (explains why I haven't watched Playful Kiss or the new Japanese version) but damn Joe Cheng was good in The Rose so I have to sit through this one and just awe over his acting skills.

  Now, let me set the established stock characters and unrealistic storyline aside. My main problem is with the actors. I did mention that I watched it for Joe Cheng (and partly Jiro Wang my first obsession over an idol ever still love him to death). Other famous people like Aaron Yan, Rong Jia, Wu Xiong, Danson Tang...etc also make cameos. What can possibli go wrong? Everything, my friend.

  They got Ariel Lin to play the main chick.

SO. MUCH. WANT. TO. SLAP. HER.

  Ariel Lin. Where do I get started with you? Now firstly I can name so many other MORE DECENT AND PRETTIER actresses who can perform the role of Xiang Qin. People like Xiao Xun, Chen Yi Hang (The Skip-Beat chick, THANK GOD ARIEL DIDN'T GET THAT ROLE OR I'LL DIE) or even Cyndi Wang. My main problem with her is that she suited her character just abit TOO WELL. Shouldn't it be a good thing you ask? Wrong. The MC is pretty much created to evoke annoyance from the audience and her stupid-ass face that always look like she's gulping for air is the icing on the cake. The MC remains pretty stupid throughout the whole series but with Ariel's face and poor acting skills (appearing dumb all the time) what little remainder of possible character development has been disintegrated. NOW IMAGINE HER FACE IN THE MIDDLE OF JOE AND JIRO, NOT GOOD I TELL YOU, NOT GOOD.

  So that brings me to the characterisation in this drama. I understand dramas are meant to be pretty shallow but all of the dramas I've watched convey one big message or another. The moral of this story is pretty plain obvious: "One can achieve success and prosperity through hard work." So of course you show it through having an ugly and stupid girl marry a hot intelligent guy... I also understand how the writer didn't want the girl to "take off her glasses and become hot (not that Ariel Lin can ever be hot no matter how hard she tries)". And this kind of concept works for some stories (Try 'Hiring a Hooligan' from Fictionpress, the main girl never becomes cool, but she's still lovable).

The decision to get married should not be made hastily.

  But too bad that's not the case. Supposedly Zhi Shu the main dude became touched at the girl's perseverance and spontaneously decides to marry her. Now being a 4U student whose major work partly critiques on relationships built on shallow foundations I still find it hard to believe that the guy loves the girl. After the marriage she just annoys the heck out of him more (she plays an embarassing video to her fellow plane passengers and tell them he has a terminal disease wtf). And ok, let's say that he does love the girl. The girl pretty much never believes it. She's so freaking insecure all the time thinking how she isn't good enough for the dude I mean cmon gurl HE MARRIED YOU. She constantly seeks proof from him and his dull character isn't built for such romantic proclamations! Everytime he gets all affectionate with her I feel awkward because I just don't see it. Some people even said that the love scene looks like the girl's getting molested (Joe is known to be a good kisser-actor) because that's how shit she is at expressing emotion other than stupidity.

  What I'm saying is, I don't think they love eachother. The guy pretty much ignores her half the time while she cries, runs away from home and generally mopes about his lack of affection. Then they suddenly get all lovey-dovey but he still looks like hes violating her. Some parts are cute, but only when he tries to prove his love for her. Nothing she does can be considered cute.

Molestation at its finest

  At least the other characters in the story make it better right? Wrong. The film has a knack for characters spontaneously falling love with eachother and every relationship progression is screwed up. The relationship between Jin and Christina is an epitome of this. Girl sees guy, girl falls in love at first sight. Guy still hung up on MC, girl pursues guy only to be rejected. Girl leaves country, guy realises his sudden undying love for her and she suddenly comes back and they live happily ever after. Jiro as good of an actor you are you get so emotionally romantic sometimes it's hard to believe your character actually initially disliked the girl. It's awkward to see him suddenly falling for her as well okay?

  So anyway, I can see why people like this drama because it gives teenage girls hope when they attempt to pursue their dream boys. It shows you that no matter how idiotic and incompetent you are you can still hook up with Mr. Perfect. And you two will eventually end up married for no reason. But I guess for me this drama just don't cut it. It's kinda addictive since majority of the actors are so cute, but considering how Ariel Lin gets 80% of the screentime it's difficult to sit through an episode without skipping everything.

Why are you talking to me again?

  Well, I screwed my advanced. I decided that it'll be a good idea to stay up till 3 because wow my essay looks like it's in a sucky state I'd rather go in with better essay than sleep earlier and be more energetic amirite guise. But of course pulling a semi-allnighter has its downsides, when my alarm shouted me awake I realised that I'm so out of it I may not even be able to get my ass to school.

  People stared at me awkwardly when I arrived at the busstop and I was like is it because I'm eating an apple haven't you ever seen someone eating an apple before? However, the moment my bus arrived and I felt around my pockets for my bus pass I realised that   literally left the house with my skirt tucked into my stockings (thank goodness for thick tight-like stockings or I may actually die). I walked down the path of shame to get on the bus feeling as groggy as ever.

  I was so tuned out for the exam all I wanted to do was sleep. I've never craved for coffee so much in my life. The exam wasn't actually that bad but my groggy state put me at a disadvantage and I ended up writing 2 PARAGRAPHS for the essay and for my creative I was barely halfway through (before having to end it super abruptly). Turns out you're only meant to spend ~20mins on the short answers thanks alot guise for telling me after the exam.

  Upon arriving home I ate for 2 hours (how did that happen) prepared to nap for 3 minutes, casually complaining about life to D-burger WHEN SUDDENLY THAT HAPPENED. The familiar sound of a Whatsapp notification rang, I checked my phone, but it wasn't D-burger telling me about how Yao is ugly.

  It was you.

  NOW IM PRETTY SURE I TOLD YOU TO NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN AND YOU DIDN'T REALLY BUT THE MESSAGE CAUGHT ME SO OFF-GUARD MY INITIAL RESPONSE HAD BEEN 'go away' BEFORE REALISING THAT IT WAS TOO MEAN SO I HAD TO FORCE MYSELF INTO ANOTHER CONVERSATION WITH YOU. I BEGIN TO ASK MYSELF WHAT MOTIVATED YOU TO INITIATE A CONVERSATION, DID YOU GET THE SPECIAL DELIVERY? YOU SAID NO. NOW I'VE SPOILED IT FOR EVERYONE. BUT BOY IT FELT SO GOOD ASIF ALL THE PAST MEMORIES OF US ARGUING HAD COME FLOODING BUT I HAD TO STOP MYSELF BEFORE GOING TOO FAR, YAY FOR CONVERSATION ENDING. 

  This is just too ironic.

  Spent the rest of the night not learning my lesson and procrastinating, but I managed to finally edit my essays and understand them. GLHF everyone for tomorrow.

I thought of you when I wrote out my belonging essay.

I remember how we worked on the thesis statement together.
You corrected every single sentence of the speech because of its poor grammar.
You taught me me what anaphora meant and how to incorporate it into an essay.
You listened as I isolated myself in the computer rooms to practise my speech over and over again over phone Skype.
You laughed at my pronunciation of the name Enrique.
You wished me good luck before I went in, and you cheered when I came out.

Those were good times.

And also happy birthday even though I actually don't know when it is except that it should be sometime this month or the next.

Mother Merrilyn, High-End Helen, Copy-Cat Selena

  Why are other people's blogs so inspiring sometimes? So I was surfing Blogger when suddenly I get bombarded, in the positive sense, with information regarding to people's hopes and dreams for the future. So, bring the presumptuous person that I am I will take this like a trend.

  As of now, my ideal future is one that the majority of little boys dream of, a career in the e-sports industry, except not as a player but a reporter. I suppose the first and foremost reason for this is the fact that well I always wanted to be a travelling journalist and my limited areas of interest includes food or video games. I don't mind taking over my mum's Usana career either, but before that I want to experience the joys of earning money while doing things that I enjoy.

  This isn't a future I can say out loud to my family or family friends easily because I'd be taken as seriously as a chipmunk hoola-hooping. Because to these people my aspiration doesn't count as a valid career option, I will be deemed as young and stupid for pursuing such a simplistic and 'unproductive' thing. But I want to prove these people wrong! E-sports is a growing, never-ending industry (will humans really get over the vidya? I don't think so) especially in commercial centres like the USA and China. Regarding to my identity as a girl. Women with adequate knowledge in metagame and a passion for casting won't be stuck as showgirls in skimpy costumes or players in those sad excuse of a 'female teams' relying on their pretty looks to gain fans and possibly win games. Because that's usually the role females play in this highly chauvinistic industry. Most of the female casters get so much hate because I'm going to be honest, they don't know shit. But look at us now, getting closer and closer to an egalitarian society, by the time I enter the world of e-Sports (i.e. going back to china and find a job there with my bilingual advantage) women may already have a prominent place.

  Because I'd be doing something that I love, my personal life will merge with my work life. Maybe one day I will meet my significant other (sadly my view on the subject of love is quite cynical at this stage after the whole rents ordeal) and have b00tiful babies, but I don't want those things anytime soon. I share similar views with Herupi on this topic. I'm young, let me experience da world! Let me travel and see new sights! Let me dote on my favourite gamers! I actually told my parents if I have kids I want them to bring them up until they're a manageable age because responsibility be gone amirite? They'll probably exert better influence upon my kids anyway(It's actually more complicated than that but I'd have to bring in our family business and dat shit's cray so story for another day).

  Just thinking about my potential future makes me giggly and hyped up on the inside. I'm totally ready to leave high school life behind me and enter the foreign environment that is uni and the workplace (OF GAMES KYAAAAAAAA). But who knows, maybe my hopes and dreams will change as soon as tomorrow, I'm a teenager after all.

  And before all that maybe I should just study harder and focus on my current responsibilities.

I was a bitch

  And I probably still am. What can I say? People change, some for good and some not so good. But I'd like to believe that I have become a better person. More cynical, but better nevertheless.

  You may have noticed my blog not having as many posts as it should have considering I used to blog so regularly. This is because many of my posts have been reverted back to draft because they included bitching, parents-complaining and vague stuff that might cause misunderstandings. I was reading back on those and just contemplating on all these "complaints and life sadness" I used to blog about and eventually realised that it was all me being a stupid bitchy drama llama. I was the bad person not whoeverelse I try to make villainous being the delusional person that I am.

  Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, I just republished a whole bunch.

  I'd also like to make this post an official apology to everyone I ever got into a fight with, yes, I genuinely admit that I was at fault and I hope our friendship/acquaintance will not be hindered. These people probably stopped reading this blog though, just when I really want them to read this entry of mine :(

  Yay for betterment of self?

  Let the Trial Games begin.

Interesting turn of events

  So, one week into school and I've achieved nothing. Now that doesn't mean I'm necessarily in a relaxed state, more like I'm overwhelmed with work I don't even know how to begin.

  So I won that lyrics competition after all, too bad I really don't have any need for the Nano, 50 iBucks and a friggin guitar pick punch, but I'm happy to realise that what I thought was a winning piece that didn't get submitted actually won. Woop woop. Also UTS Journalism ATAR reduced to 89.00, I HAVE HOPE GUISE.

  Now onto the sad news. I think he needs help, he's a good person but he needs help. It's one of those situations when you're the only person who realises this but can't do shit about it except living your life scared shitless and paranoid as fak everyday. Where on earth is my safe haven?

  I got my Extension 2 back along with everyone else. Let me tell you I'm pretty sure half of us left crying and devastated. I did badly as well, I slapped that smile on my face and decided that optimism is the only way to get me through. Yes I am disappointed and devastated, but being devastated and crying doesn't solve anything. I don't like it when people assume I did well because I "seem to be happy", pls.


 

Ppl pls

  It's ok bbz's your holidays are not wasted, you know what real wasted is? Doing nothing. NOTHING. NOT A SINGLE DAMNED THING. School starts on Tuesday and I've done nothing~ This holidays I'm literally just like screw this screw everyone screw all subjects I'm exhausted.

  What is HSC when I can be a hobo amirite :')

  Timetojumpinaholeforever

I'm Tired

  Despite not having done anything relatively productive this holidays it was packed to the brim with activity. I'm so exhausted I couldn't even make it to the Chinese study sesh today.

  First week had been relatively peaceful, except for the fact that my mum tries to drag me out to shop with her with every opportunity. I should have utilised this time to do some work because I realised that I pretty much wasted it chilling. On Friday I went with Jackie and QQ to study Chinese and get tutored.

  Second week was the busy one. Monday- Modern lecture and out with Irene. Unfortunately I was sick by the end of the day so I spent most of Tuesday in bed. Wednesday I went school for Modern and subsequently went Dpz' for sleepover. It was superduperubernuber fun and I stayed till noon-ish the next day after being introduced to Nova's ways. When my mum came to pick me up and just as I thought I'd finally go home she took me grocery shopping and lifting @ good old Costco. I was so tired after that I couldn't get up in the morning today. I have to cook tomorrow and catch up on HW the day after. Sigh, I wish the holidays can be longer.

  I suppose I might as well mention my humiliating experience the night before the sleepover. I wrote "Am I dreaming or are you real" to the last person I should be typing that to on Earth, never did something sound so damn wrong when you leave out the 'for' after 'you'. I told him to never talk to me again... an overreaction if you will but it was late at night, LGD lost and I had too much vodka.

The Origin of 'Pigothy'

  Even though I took half of the photos already, fashion blog will still have to come another day. Instead I grace you with the story of the origin of this 'Pigothy' name that followed me since the beginning of Steam days.

  I first came to contact with the actual pig animal when I was born awkwardly in the gap between the year of the rat and the year of the pig (before Chinese new year 1996 so I can be considered as both). Since the two alignments are so different we've decided to go with the Pig even though my age really corresponds to that of a Rat.

  Maybe it was the influence of my Chinese Zodiac but I've developed a strange sympathy for pigs since landing in Australia. I think they're super awesome and more awesomer than other animals. I always considered having a pet pig after watching Gwen Stefani's "What You Waiting For" but obviously I knew that my parents only thought about bacon.

  So on that fateful day in 2005 some random Korean streetmart lady happened to be selling pillow pets in the middle of Hurzy Westfield, mum had her eye on a plush dog but the moment I saw the pig on display I was drawn towards it and while mum negotiated prices of the dog with the shop lady I held on tightly to the pig, I wouldn't let it go and begged my mum to buy it for me. I was obsessed with that pig, I wouldn't let go of it for like 3 days and I held it to bed every night to the point of not being able to fall asleep without it on camping trips/while it's being washed.It was the first non-secondhand plush they ever bought me (in my knowledge ofc) and look at me now, still hugging onto it in the peak of my young adulthood. It's pretty much become a part of our family. Even till today I get pissed off at people who touch it without permission or even look at it with dodgy eyes. I remember screaming at a really good friend for hiding it as a joke.

 My obsession with that pig (and my growing laziness and endless pit of a stomach) rightfully earned me the nickname of 'Pig' or 'Piggy'. And so, after deciding to remain genderless on the platform of Steam I decided to change my name to 'Pigothy.' It was a name from a video of one of the first Minecrafters I've watched, Ryan, Double or Mr360Games.

  I didn't know my steam friends will take this name so seriously (since Larina just called me Waspy after my original 'waspberry' name). It was until I met Mumble did it make any serious impact because some dumb cootie named Ju thought it was my actual name and told everyone after yelling at it (original name was 'Pig' in Mumble) for so long. It's always "Goddammit Pigothy" or "OMG Pig" and soon revealing my actual name didn't matter because the stupid thing stuck, forever. A poor 17 year old high school girl is now named Pigothy, which probably derived from Timothy and is way too manly (they were surprised I was a girl and not a nubstar dude in the first place).

  It was really annoying at first, but slowly that name just stuck and became significant. The original Minecraft Pigothy got yelled at by its owner for his game freezing after riding him into the Nether. This was beyond the poor pig's control but no everybody blames him. "This is all your fault Pigothy!". And somehow that's quite familiar to me now that I go back and rewatch it because it literally echoes what I have to go through everyday on Mumble. Not really in a bad way because noone means anyone harm but yeah quite funny and cute how it's always Pigothy that gets all the 'hate', but noone ever says "Dammit Selena you're so shit".

  Recently I played LoL with a friend's friends (they're all really good at it so do you see what's coming?) and one of them questioned why Selena's IGN is 'Pigothy', my friend improvised her version of explaining but I only thought about how funny it is that nobody really knew why. And the cuter thing is the Pigothy phenomenon just happens all over again "I blame Pigothy for bot lane lost".

WHAT IS STUDY

  I think everyone are completely exhausted at this point in time, is that enough to justify my lack of productivity insofar this holidays?

  I might do an outfit blog, that's gonna be super fun. Also I still haven't written a TGG review I think it's like almost out of my head now.

Life Stahp.

  I got a few exam results back. I'm alright with them (yes even my crappy near-fail modern mark because c'mon admit it I didn't know anything about anything when I went into the exam. E for Effort.) I'll do the Great Gatsby Review later when I actually decide to give a crap.

  Speaking of giving a crap, I think I understand some of the things Jimface said to me that day. The world doesn't revolve around me, there's no need for others to know all my problems because it's just burdensome. What did they say about swallowing your pride or something? The thing is I'm having a hard time doing that. I've become so accustomed to solving my personal issues via telling them to others it's incredibly difficult to keep stuff to myself. I understand how he was complaining about how I don't seem to care about how others feel because it's always about me. And I quote Mr Duck: "Ultimately, nobody really cares, because every man for himself".

  Recently I've been trying to shut myself in, nobody needs to know about what I ate for breakfast or how I'm having issues with parents. NOBODY. And it's not "Teenage angst nobody-cares-about-me" bullshit, I'm serious. Think of it as self-improvement, I need to help out others more and find out more about them. Just like Jimface AKA Douchebagslut had always wanted. But it's just so hard to do that, so very hard. I feel like my insides are gonna burst from the amount of crap they've been storing.

  The solution? Violence. I find it extremely helpful to smash my bed and hard as crap mattress with a full-latex luxurious pillow. I also enjoy pelting articles of clothing around my room aiming for the stupid snob chandelier in the center of my room (my poor aim and upper-arm strength had never succeeded in hitting it).

  Some recent events I find concerning:
- Dad used a bread knife with a ribbed but still pretty sharp edge and LITERALLY ran it a few times on the back of my wrist, it didn't leave a visible mark or hurt at all but DAFUQ
- Internet on my computer has been acting up.
- Joffrey makes me sick.
- I've been missing LGD matches and it makes me sad.
- It seems my mother has finally decided to neglect everything and just work.

  Hard game hard life.

I think I'll take a moment to slap myself

  So today I finally took the initiative to find out who this controversial Timstar is, and needless to say I wish I hadn't because my eyes... THEY BURN! I also found out what LG stood for and what do you know I can name quite a few 'LGs' on the top of my head. What's going on with the 10- grades? PULL DEM SKIRTS DOWN AND TURN YO 'SWAG' OFF. I feel so old and prudent.

  I also got to look back at my Facebook posts this year... again. I realised that 90% of its content is instafood, 2% friends and 8% stupid statuses/dp updates/cover photo. So, considering I barely use Facebook to post on walls and what not maybe it's a good indication for me to give it up... idk.

  I know I'm always self-conscious but, there's this constant fear at the back of my head thinking that everyone thinks I'm stupid and annoying and are only nice to me because well they're nice people. I over-judge my past actions and think omg was I too weird? Was what I said retarded and stupid? Are my hobbies consisting of anime, Kpop, Youtube and video games really undermining my social life? Big questions. Is my constant ditz just a facade I am unaware of? Why do I act like that? I'd see myself as someone rational sitting in front of the computer screen looking back at how I socialise and twitching uncomfortably... URGH you know what I mean? Fak. So will I be remembered as the crazy stupid chick who played a tad bit too much video games which possibly ruined their results? Even bigger questions.

  Got Steam back to patch and buy compendium, goddammit Burger now my compendium has your st00pid name on it. Not many people online, one game invite and 2 people asking what the heck I was doing back did I quit HSC or something. Oh dear.

Exams are half over, and so is my life.

  Why yes ATAR calculator, tell me more about how happy I will be after receiving my 72 ATAR... HAPPY IN HEAVEN MAYBE. Wow dude pick up your game, but you can't do that can you considering YOU HAD NO IDEA ABOUT WHAT YOU WROTE IN THE LAST MODERN EXAM, GOT SCREWED OVER BY TIME LIMIT IN HAMLET, MARKED CRAPPILY FOR EXT 2 AND BARELY MANAGED TO FINISH ECO AND EXT 1 (PLEASE GOOD MARK FOR THOSE PLEASE).

  Being the smart person that I am I told my mum who told me that I deserved it for not studying hard enough and also that I should shut up and not talk to her. :okay:

  I've also achieved next to nothing so far in my 5-day break. I'm even finding ways to get out of working hard for Chinese (teacher told me to change topic I said NO TOO MUCH EFFORT). Frick, something is seriously wrong with me. Is it because without games I've become less motivated? No, I have plenty of motivation, I'm just a stupid lazy bish who would rather die than do work huh?

Will she actually follow through this time?

Thursday

Do Personal Investigation in Chinese
Extension 1 Research Task


Friday
Write essay plans for Hamlet

Write the Blue Sheet

Finish Personal Investigation Complete Draft

Saturday
Modern History Notes- Leni

Finish Economics Essay

Sunday
Modern History Notes- Indo China

Prepare for Hamlet

Monday
English Advanced Exam
Hand in Economics Essay and get Personal Investigation Feedback

Tuesday
Get Economics Essay Back


Wednesday
Modern Practise Questions


Thursday
Economics Exam

Modern Practise Essays

Memorise Creative

Friday
Modern Exam

English Ext 1 Exam
Take the night off

Saturday,  Sunday, Monday, Tuesday 
Personal Investigation- Force teacher to give feedback until perfect.

e-Sports Waii

  So I had given myself 3 jobs to do over the weekend:

1. Hamlet Essay
2. Ext 1 Draft
3. Modern Notes

  Guess what, I did none of that because I had been too busy supporting my babies in the G1 League finals. They were so good and beat out all the teams so I had to sit there and watch every round. On Sunday in the actual finals they were vsing Alliance which came out undefeated in the tournament and I was really scared but hey I persevered through the entire weekend surely I'll be rewarded with the look on my babies' faces as they win right? Wrong.

  Alliance 2-0'd them in an epic show of pwnage.

  So I basically screamed at my computer and went to bed.

Things People Do That I Like

  Now for some positive reinforcement. In no particular order and if you do these things I probably really like you, really.


1. Offering me food. A fattie like me requires to constantly chom on things. Whether it's sharing homebaked goodies or passing around chip packets OMNOMNOMNOM

2. Waiting for me after class/school. It makes me feel really special to have someone stay back and wait for me after lessons so we can walk to wherever we're going to go together.

3. Waking me up when I'm about to fall asleep in class. I pretty much never get enough sleep everyday. A shove on the shoulder (or a handkerchief to the face) can make such a great difference to my productivity at school.

4. Game invites. Yes Mumble so many belonging feelz when those ih invites come around. "Hey Pigothy come play" YES I SHALL!

5. Finishing my sentences. Not in the rude way, it's really cool it's like you're telepathic (or you just really understand me).

6. Saying hi in corridors. True display of friendship :')

7. Being thoughtful. Things like reminding me of due assignments, sending typed up notes or offering to run errands if you're going to a place are the little things that just highlights THE PROFOUNDNESS OF OUR LOVE <3

8. Telling me about what I did wrong. Again not in the rude way. When people are honest about my flaws and are sincere in helping me become a better person really makes me trust them. Irrelevant example: "Hey next time can you not pinch me cheeks it's kind of unhygienic" DONE! I won't!

9. Wearing nice-smelling perfume. Nothing like a faint fragrant smell to lift up one's spirits for the day.

10. Surprise hugs. Nuff sed.

  So concludes my series of listing. Hope you enjoy.

Things People Do That I Hate

  Note that if you do any of these things (or all of them who knows) it does NOT necessarily mean that you suck and I hate you. Nobody's perfect! This is my opinion only, you may even agree with some and I may do some myself! So, in no particular order...

1. Saying mean things to me indirectly. If you've got a problem, state it to my face. Don't go around in circles trying to insult me without actually insulting me. For example, say "I think you're ugly" not "Hmm some people may not be comfortable with the structure of your face".

2. Ignoring my texts/messages. You have no idea how retarded it feels to be completely ignored, especially if you asked a question/really need a response. The new 'seen' feature only emphasised how dog you are being. I know awesome people who at least gives a signal like "gtg" or "ttyl" or just "busy can't talk". IT'S NOT THAT HARD. You know, I know people who actually admitted to my face that they chose to ignore me on purpose. Yes that includes you duck, go suck on a fat one stupid wall.

3. Not answering calls. WHY HAVE A PHONE?

4. Always trying to outdo me. There's ZERO POINT in having to always beat someone at everything. "Oh you got 10 bucks? I have 20! You got an A? I got an A+!" Stop it my gosh how are you so lacking in humbleness!

5. Having 0 self-confidence. "OMG I SUCK AT THIS AND OMG I'M SO UGLY AND FAT". You're not, everybody has something they're good at. It's ok to talk about feeling insecure in some areas, but I don't need to know about how much you suck at everything 24/7.

6. MAPOTI. Yes the Ryan video. Fifty irrelevant hashtags, swagfags, unrelated captions, tryhard comic-maker, 10 luvos per day, gamer girl sluts... etc. Oh internet what a wonderful place you are.

7. Trying way to hard to insult me. I know the whole deal about how real friends can take insults but when someone goes out of their way to insult me it just sounds dumb. "You're eating? Fattie!" "You like cookies? NOBODY LIKES YOU!" "You're sad? Suck one dipshit!" It's not even funny.

8. Always asking for my work. I give my work out when necessary because I'm a nice person and I know some people are really stuck on their stuff. Heck I sometimes OFFER for others to copy my work. But you know how there's always that one person who NEVER does their work and always rely on others for copying? You know the one. The most annoying thing is that I can NEVER ask them for THEIR work when I needed it because it's always "Do it urself" or like "But I was gonna copy off u!".

9. Having a problem with me and not telling me about it. Please, if I did ANYTHING to offend you don't be a cold dawg ignoring me CLEARLY acting like you're pissed off. I'm too pussy to ask, so PLEASE step up, smile and tell me exactly what the heck I did wrong.

10. People who give me funny looks. It sounds weird but I hate it when  I get this look from people that screamed "Uhh... wtf dude you're so retarded." You know what I mean? I mean I say stupid stuff on purpose for the LOLZ (and I know others who do too) so it doesn't really matter but when I'm trying to be serious that look is the worst.

11. Whining about a good mark. "OMG I GOT 95 SO BAD". I know being at a competitive school this happens on a daily basis but I hate it when people do that when they see that I got a bad mark. If your mark was bad and you want to die, what mark would mine count as? And don't say "Oh that's not bad Selena" ya damn hypocrite.

12. Pretending to have knowledge in stuff you have no idea about. Especially when it comes to games. "OMG I LOVE ZELDA HE'S SUCH A COOL GUY"

13. Wearing revealing clothes and looking bad. Also includes guys taking half-naked photos. I do not see the point in wearing revealing clothes in the first place, but theres a difference between sexy and trashy. What's your intention of doing so except to attract the opposite sex and hoping to get laid? I once saw a (year 10 I'm pretty sure) girl with her school skirt so short her butt's LITERALLY half out, btw your legs are horribly and implicitly unpleasant, time to shave gurl. I immediately averted my eyes to prevent mental scarring.

14. Bringing private conflict to public places. I hate to see people posting mean stuff on platforms like Facebook walls and Twitter so everyone can see. That's just a new form of nasty.

  That's enough rage for one day. I'll try writing about things I like next time :(