So

Feels like a repeat of HS when one friendship dies and it starts some kind of huge butterfly effect and everyone else around you dies with it so you can't even just ignore it and move on with your life.

It's what I get for mixing groups I suppose.

In fact I think I'm really content with just a few friends now as opposed to the 100 I had last year. Maybe it's a good thing that they all just slowly fade away.

Idk maybe it's just me.

I miss year 12 back when things were simpler.

Long time no blog, I'll try to get back to it soon. 

Another Blogging Drought

...Oops

Anyways, another busy month for the good ol' Pigtato! I had Conference, camp, uni started finally, TI5 came and went and I am the sickest I have been since that one week in China after HSC. So let me tell you a-bit about it as I sit here sipping my tenth cup of herbal tea and coughing my lungs out while being overloaded by work and depressed over everything.

Conference wasn't as enlightening and life-changing as I hoped, probably because I feel like God only speaks to me when I'm lost and depressed and I was pretty happy with life throughout Conference. However I did see many lives changed, including some of my very own Wildlife kids! I unhesitatingly signed up for next year though!  Waking up at 6:30 every day and sleeping at 11 really takes a toll on your body.

Overall the week had really worn me out. I almost forget about having camp that Wednesday and instead decided it was a good idea to visit Bar who has a flu and caught that fever flu just in time for camp. How convenient. This was definitely one of my worst camp experiences in terms of personal wellbeing because I couldn't eat anything, couldn't get dranks with friends and above all couldn't participate in anything. I literally just stayed in my bed and moped. I ended up having to leave early too. BOO!

Uni had started and honestly I'm not feeling up to it at all, my sickness made me miss the first day too sigh. Night classes are so ceebs and I wish my timetables added up so I don't have to get home at 9pm every day. Especially with internship too don't even get me started on that sigh it's like what am I even doing here.

Then came Ti5, it was supposed to be fun because I get to spend whole week with Bar and then go city to meet D-Burger, Jdn and Zak. Except I didn't take into account SMASH and all that jazz. Ofc I didn't end up going SMASH but I did Gal and Wilso's makeup for them early in the morning. By the end of the night I was way too exhausted and sick. So on Sunday the sick train began.

Just what am I doing with my life right now.

May/June Report

May/June had been a busy month for me, so busy that for the first time in my blogging history I had not written a single entry about it, which is really counter-intuitive because it makes it seem like there's absolutely nothing to report on it. Therefore I will quickly report the things that I got up to in this period of time under some well thought-out sub headings.

Korean Makeup/Skin-care Hauls
I don't know how it happened, but somehow Jes and I both got into Korean Makeup after I brought her some goods from my Singapore trip (which I promise I'll write about... soon... very soon...). So anyway, during May/June I almost doubled my makeup collection which is laughable considering I don't even have a job. I've been also adding some Innisfree products into my USANA-only skincare routine and while I didn't see any differences for a whole month lately my pimples have began to shrink though my face still looks like a mess due to scars...etc. Jes wanted to start a review/lifestyle collaboration blog as a result.

Church all day Nigerian
Most of you are aware that the main group I spend my time with now are my church peeps. Through this period of time I've completely integrated myself into Wildlife as the resident mother-figure. I attended the JustCar wedding which everybody took ages to prepare for, whether it's new haircuts, eyebrow appointments and hauling for many clothing items. Their relationship is really enviable because looking at them it's hard to imagine anything going wrong. It also got everyone into a lifepartner-search craze as my beloved co-leader-but-really-he-is-the-boss, brother-in-LAW also got into a relationship with one of the sweetest girls I know. And he went from I-am-the-Alpha to I-am-so-whipped it's adorable.

Attempted Dates
I planned on going to see Vivid with the Bar towards the end of the even. The date went south very quickly as he was a whole hour late and we missed the movie. Our dinner plan also went awry because it was Imouto's birthday and we got invited to a fancy dinner with their families. I didn't mind the changing dinner plans because I love my imouto and it kinda meant I'm a part of the family now. However as we headed to see Vivid THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE, WHERE DID YA'LL COME FROM? It was pretty much shoulder-to-shoulder all over Darling Harbour and Circular Quay nty. We did score a cool spot for the light show so that was okay.

So after that failed date we rescheduled Mad Max and ended up watching it before CG on a Friday. The movie itself was not a date movie by any means but the explosions were very cool and tasteful (none of that Michael Bay nonsense). We also had a successful all-day date, planning to go see Winter Garden only to be disappointed because there's like, nothing there. We did spot several cool cars (including a McLaren that made Bar weak at the knees). Then we had lunch, did some shopping, chilled and ate dinner. It was a pretty perfect day imo.

And that's it folks, watch out for my Conference post soon~

Random Flash of Insecurity

So I just spontaneously did 3 8 minute workouts, bought $100 worth of Korean trouble-care skincare even though I'm a loyal USANA user and set all my sleep timers to before 1am.

It's like I suddenly realised, not like you look in the mirror and go "Oh." but the type of realise where you realise that you realise that you look like a piece of poop. I wouldn't stop poking my stupid tummy fat and when Bar squishes my tummy I'm just like GO AWAY DO U HAVE FAT FETISH OR SMTH internally. Then I wouldn't stop picking at my pimples and after I finish the deed I'm just like crying over whatever future infection or scar that I'm gonna get.

Life is quite hard sometimes.

On the bright side, my cramps aren't as bad this month, my PMS could have been alot worse and I got contacted via Linkedin for a legit paying uni-major-related job!

[MAKEUP REVIEW] Part Eight

Let's get straight in this baby since my UD haul did me no good in terms of collecting stuff.

Benefit Hydra-Smooth Lip Color 6/10
I bought this with my MYER ONE reward card and only got to use it like twice before good ol' mum took it. I had my eyes on this for a while because every time I crash Barrel's workplace I'd just play with the lipsticks there and I swatched a nice orangey colour (lip-service). Turns out, when applied on your lips, this product is very, VERY sheer due to its moisturising, lip-balm like formula, The packaging is cute but very cheap-looking and it reminds me of Korean cosmetics packaging. If you want an orange lipstick definitely try the Marc Jacobs Kiss Pop collection or Etude House collection and not this one.

Marc Jacobs Kiss Pop Lipstick 8/10
I got the colour Pop Rock for my birthday and it is an orangey-red which very much reminds me of my YSL Corail Incandescent lipstick without the moisturising formula. This product also offers a more orange alternative (Crush) and a more pink alternative (wham) both which I'm definitely putting on my shopping list because the colours of Kiss Pop lipsticks are just so purdy ermahgherd. The product itself is a matte lipstick in the shape of a cute pencil-crayon. The colour payoff is amazing though it's not the smoothest formula when it comes to gliding across your lips. I actually like the pencil design of the bullet because it's very versatile and you don't have to worry about it going out of shape.

Too Faced Natural Eyes Palette 9/10

Another birthday gift (from SS <3). I was surprised at first upon receiving this palette because I already have both Chocolate Bars and I wasn't sure if I need more neutrals... then I saw the colours. There are 3 mattes, 3 satins and 3 shimmer colours great for both everyday wear and night out... Plus it's all in a convenient compact great for travel (actually bringing mine to Singapore). I love Silk Teddy and Cashmere Bunny they're so pretty and work great as bases. All colours are highly pigmented and long-lasting. Plus they gave you twice the amount for lighter shades so you don't have to go through the whole pan. This is such an underdog palette everyone should get it :D

Too Faced Semi-Sweet Chocolate Palette 8/10
I bought this product immediately when Australia finally decided to ship it only a few months late compared to good ol' Murica. I will definitely write in-depth reviews for all my palettes with swatches and all in the future. So what can I say about this product? Well first off, it is designed pretty much identical to its predecessor as they share the same packaging and even same colour layout inside! Personally I actually like the colours on this one better because it has better matte options and the tones are more yellow-hued which means it looks better on Asians! They even improved upon the old one by actually putting the colour names on the palette as opposed to a flimsy plastic sheet cover. Sadly some colours of this palette did not wow me in their pigmentation (COUGH Pink Sugar COUGH) and I was looking forward to using them sad.

Etude House Dear Girls Big Eyes Maker 7/10
Unlike the hype around the Etude House Cute Eyes maker I can hardly find any review on this product which I impulsely bought because the colours are much nicer than the former, not knowing how to use it or anything LOL. Turns out you're supposed to apply the brown end on the outer third of your eye and the gold end in the inner third... which apparently creates bigger eyes? The design is the same concept as the Cute Eyes maker as the product is inside the lid and by screwing it back on you're essentially applying the pigment on the wand. To be completely honest I've never managed to achieve the puppy eye look as advertised by this product ever, so now I just keep it in my on-the-go makeup bag as an easy eyeshadow application method. I also use the shimmery gold colour as an eye highlighter all the time because the colour looks great on Asian skin.

Trust

Trust is an interesting thing.

It's interesting because it's something that I can never get right... It can break your heart in the worst ways, yet when things don't go awry it can also make you realise how wonderful of a place the world is.

You can never accurately measure trust, because one would constantly question their own.

"Am I not trusting you enough?"
 I was watching an episode of Happy Camp and in it the hosts and guests held a panel on deciphering the female species. One of the discussion topics was "why do girls constantly ask their boyfriends if they love them". And while most men would groan and facepalm when asked this, one of the host's responses really enlightened me: "Girls are insecure, they need to be constantly reassured that they are loved. If you told her that you love her yesterday, and then today, she thinks that you may stop loving them tomorrow."

I'm an insecure person, and these insecurities often translate to doubt. Sometimes my lack of faith can blind me to those who care for me the most. When I see people I love hanging around other people, I easily become jelly. If they are hanging around X, would that mean that they'd stop hanging with me? A funny anecdote from last week, I asked him why he barely spent any time with me during Easter, he said it was because we always spend time together and he had not hung with his friends for a long time. In my insecure (and to be fair, I was PMSing) mind, that instantly translated to: He must be getting sick of me, this might be the end of our relationship. Note how I jump to conclusions so easily; perhaps it was the entire rushed-ness of this thing, or perhaps this only shows just how in lack of trust I can be. But of course, at the end of the day, when I can always expect a clingy hug, or a text telling me goodnight, these doubts are always put to a rest, and I am left to just appreciate his existence.

"Am I trusting you too much?"
At the other end of the spectrum, we are afraid of how much we trust people, because unfortunately, too much trust can often lead to something that nobody wants, and that's betrayal. While I talked about being insecure, betrayal is often what causes insecurity. And sadly, every one of us will experience this some point in our lives, and when it does, it will be painful.

This is another problem that I find myself having these past days. I find myself hurting like hell. In fact, I was hurting so much it simply stopped hurting, like I'd just tell myself that it doesn't matter any more. I had faith in a friendship, two, in fact. But nothing pains more than seeing both those go to waste, at the same time. While all of this had been a few weeks ago, I guess right now I'm finally coming out into the open about it and admitting it. I do care, and because I do I am in pain. I have mixed feelings blogging about this, too. I want them to read it, yet I'm scared of yet another confrontation and me eventually breaking down because of it.

I guess it isn't anyone's fault, because for this to happen there must be roots of discontent deep down, things we don't like about each other."If they are not building you up to God, you'd just have to let them go." Well said. Even if the misunderstanding eventually becomes cleared, things will never go back to what they were, it'll just be a peaceful closure. This has caused me too much damage for its own good, and I don't think I'd be able to ever forget, or risk getting hurt again.

I can trust
In the spirit of the Easter message, I'd like to share some of the conclusions I have on this subject. While it's impossible for us to completely trust anyone nowadays, there's one person we can always rely upon, for He will never let us down, and we will never be forsaken. Christine Caine spoke about the stone of the tomb being rolled away, not for Him to get to us, but for us to reach Him. All we have to do is make that first step and seek Him.

Trust the LORD with all your heart... and lean not on your own understanding. (Pvbs 3:5)

Peter doubted when he walked on water, but as he began to sink, Jesus reached and grabbed his hand immediately. Even if we make mistakes, as our trust in Him wavers, He is quick to catch us just as we fall. So I take my troubles to Him, for he will bear my burden and lighten my load, as he had carried that cross and rescued me from my own shortcomings.

[MAKEUP REVIEW] Part Seven

This ain't even my final entry because I went crazy. This entry includes part 2 of my crazy Christmas haul. I hope to start to write detailed reviews of specific products soon because I find that my reviews are just TL;DRs of how the product worked for me (and to show you what products I use lel). Hopefully I can write a tutorial sometime down the line too.


Benefit They're Real Mascara 8/10
Alot of people tell me they don't like this mascara... and I don't see why? I personally don't think this mascara is overhyped at all. I was kind of stuck with it after I failed to sell it to anyone because I bought the Sugarglam Fairies Christmas Box. It extends my lashes naturally without clumping and doesn't smudge surprisingly! This is coming from someone who absolutely despises plastic wands... this mascara restored my faith in them LOL. The only thing I found difficult is that the product tend to stick to the tip of the wand so you end up not being able to use it for your undereye lashes.

NARS Highlighting Blush 8/10
I was choosing between this and Benefit Sunbeam for my highlighter and decided to use this because powders are easier to apply PLUS the Albatross packaging matched cutely with my Laguna. And boy it did! Highlighting is always easier than contouring so I find myself using this one more than the other one. The glow from this highlighter is natural, yet buildable (if you want to look like Kim Kardashian I guess).

STILA Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Liner 9/10
This was a part of my impulse Christmas spending spree because at the time I was so frustrated with my crappy MAC pencil I thought maybe a brown liquid liner will be better to create more natural looks. This baby has a nice thin tip so the lines I can create can be super precise and thin (especially for my favourite no makeup makeup look). It also has a nice spring cap that keeps air from going in AKA drying. But the gimmick has its downsides because the lid wouldn't stop coming off and getting stuck... awkward. It also doesn't fit on the other end so you can lose it if you don't take care of it.

STILA Smudge Stick Waterproof Eye Liner 6/10
Stila's crowd favourite pencil eyeliner makes an appearance in my makeup collection because I realised I don't actually have a black pencil liner. The application is smooth and the colour nicely pigmented... but there's a huge drawback. The twist-design of the eyeliner may seem convenient.. BUT DON'T BE FOOLED! It takes heaps of effort to get the eyeliner out because most of the liners are buggy. And if you get too much product out... guess what? You can't twist the other way to get it back in so you might waste product. And you cannot get a thin line because you can't exactly sharpen the tip unless you use the good ol' wipe on tissue until tip sharpens trick. Another downside of this product is its inability to stay on my bottom lashline... IT STILL SMUDGES ;A; The only one that doesn't so far is the Urban Decay liner... review soon.

Guerlain Gloss d'Enfer Maxi Shine Lipgloss 7/10

This review is specifically for the colour 'Rouge Parade' which is a part of Guerlain's holiday collection (A Day At the Opera). I got it for super cheap during the boxing day sales. The colour of this gloss is amazing and long-lasting. It's actually super intense and you can even use it as a lip stain because of how rich the colour is. However the applicator is impossible to figure out because it's really stiff and weirdly shaped unlike other lipglosses I own like my good ol' Chanel one. Newbies also watch out because the tone of colour can be difficult to work with.

Long weeks

The existence of Snapchat stories really make the whole Blogging thing redundant, but I still try my best to write even if most of the time my posts are vague and confusing. It's ok because I feel like I'm getting my feelings across so that's all that matters right?

The past week had been an emotional one. I had a billion moodswings and alot of my friends stayed away from me due to my tendency to take it out on others through my passive aggressive comments via text. And while it hasn't been an entirely horrible, disastrous week considering after my date on Saturday this happened:

So apparently the mother-in-LAW-pun-cuz-I-can had always liked me so yeah the entire time I was stressing about it was just me being oversensitive and stressful... again. In fact while I was sitting on the bus stressing hard the whole reveal thing had been extremely ridiculously anticlimactic. Yeah PuffyBarrelStep prayer circle is quite OP.

But then it went all downhill from there. I had been so overwhelmed by negative thoughts by the end of the week I just couldn't be bothered to do anything.

For example in recent weeks my involvement with Anime Club had been disastrous since all their meetings were on Friday which was always my no-go day. So they were going to shuffle some of the positions during AGM, which was fine by me. And as I contemplate on just resigning (instead of running for pres) by next year there just has been an interesting turn of things. People change, and even if their personality don't necessarily change, their perception of you certainly do. I'm feeling the full hit of these not-so-subtle changes lately and boy do that not feel good.

That's another story for another day, however because another major issue had been about effort. How much am I putting in? How much are you putting in? How much should we both be putting in? Questions bugged my head and being alone on Wednesday just made these questions into negative affirmations. But hey, it only took a huge text-based confession, four hours of emotional ranting to a close friend and intense makeup before I'm back to normal again.

I don't normally get PMS-y, but these weirdass moodswings are as close as I get to them.

彼氏より玉子

The Tale of Eggs over Boys

[Charmingsenpaiguy] lmao my mum's like how can ur girlfriend like you when you dont even eat eggs
[Puffincakes] thats the thing
[Puffincakes] i dont
[Puffincakes] plot twist
[Charmingsenpaiguy] o
[Charmingsenpaiguy] brb gonna cry myself to sleep
[Puffincakes] don't drown in your tears now

My thoughts right now

1. Everybody sucks
2. My brain needs detox
3. I want another drink

I get stressed easily

I always seem to find new things to stress over even as I conquer past worries and stresses. Some of these stress topics are completely unjustified and irrelevant but good ol' me stresses over them anyway.

First and foremost I've been worried about the Bar's momma for a week now. She's one of those overprotective mothers who pretty much dislikes all girls getting close to her baby. So naturally he wouldn't have told his rents and I'm pretty much encouraging him to and if they say no I'm happy to hold it off in respect because respecting parents is important but idk the thoughts of that really makes me depressed so I have this entire battle plan written up because I'm sure that right now at this moment she severely dislikes me because life. PRAY4FRIDAY.

Second is the uni work that is piling up. Jap 3 is a needy gf that needs constant attention while FInt is like a strict parent that test you on your studied knowledge (AKA readings sigh) every week. Now add all the extra stuff I do for church and Anime and suddenly I realise I haven't touched Dota in weeks.

Additionally even though Centrelink finally backpaid me my finances are strained. Not only did I buy my new Chroma keyboard and Cedar Street Maise ($600 lel) I also bought alot of random other things sigh impulse why. Because I wanted to catch the train with Bar I'm basically paying for an extra trip every day and apparently transfer trips don't count for Opal CEEEEEEEBS. I didn't know till today when I tried to use it for Usyd and Nsyd.

Finally my relationship with my own rents are on a strain because I've been really busy so I'm barely at home and that pisses them off so everytime I'm at home they would get angry at me. Yesterday dad snapped at me threw a random tantrum and then two of them went out for dinner without me. I didn't even have lunch and obv there was nothing edible at home so I was prepared to starve with nothing but vodka in my stomach until Step came and took me to a Drive-Thru at like 11pm she's like my angel omg I can't deal. I ate really unhealthy but I had nothing to eat all day.

Some positive things about this week: I got to see my Bar every single day! On Monday I caught his train as usual because I hung with my imouto and Mig after uni so I killed the 3 hours easily. On Tuesday I was formally invited to UpCG and while we didn't get to talk much I had to sit through as he announce to the group for the billionth time "oh yeah we dating ok" because peer pressure sigh. On Wednesday my FInt lecture was cancelled so we got to hang till 5:30 and PDA till the train got here YEP I'VE BECOME ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. This is like 2 and a half hours which is like a lot trust me we barely see eachother because his uni schedule and unknowing parents sigh. Today for some reason we had to go Nsyd to pick up the cashbox so I asked him to come see me at the station best 15 minutes of my day hands down.

Also I've finally started a workout routine but Day 1 left me completely sore and disabled and what do I do? Eat heaps of unhealthy stuff to make up for it suddenly an entire day's work has gone to waste. Step left me her dumbells though so yep I guess you could say I lift now. I will be sure to motivate myself to continue this routine.

STRESS STRESS GO AWAY COME BACK ANOTHER DAY IN FACT JUST GET OUT DON'T COME BACK AT ALL IRONICALLY TOMORROW'S STUDY IS ON STRESS.

Fast Escalation

It has been a pretty hectic and especially emotionally toiling 2 weeks. My close friends had to join me on my emotional rollercoaster ride as I pour out my feels literally everyday to them. Somehow within the week we went from flirty chums to those gross PDA couples.

And to think all of this shizzle started on V-Day...

The Bar and I went for dinner, it was a spontaneous decision because I needed to go H&M to spend my voucher but before I know it I'm out on a dinner date with a guy that I've been texting daily since I got Kakao on Aussie Day. Maybe missing my bus to meet my BarrelStep had been fate after all, because after we parted ways I went on a super duper long D&M with my baes about my feelings and everything. I told them I'll tell them my answer when I know my answer because as someone with total of 10% emotional capacity all this mumbojumbo is really new to me.

So on that Sunday I told them how I felt and everything. And they were both like :3 And ironically he had to give a speech at church about why he makes a good husband to win movie tickets to 'see with a girl'. Funnily enough we made plans to watch Kingsmen (originally Boyhood but it stopped airing) the next day so everyone who knows kind of know where those tickets are going to.

And so on Monday we met up to watch the movie and the air between us was a little different. Depite having to walk alot since we watched it at Broadway it was an amazing movie hands down nevertheless hurhurhur. We also went to get N2 afterwards too, and I went home pondering if that counted as a date. It ended up stressing me out since I'm a noob when it comes to relationships and the next thing I know I became sick.

Was gonna see him again on Tuesday but as I said I was a sick poop. But on Wednesday I had to prep for O'Day and I somehow convinced him to come along. It was a little awkward was all I can say. That isn't until Thursday when we scheduled to build my mum's computer did this awkward topic get brought up. My parents were judging him in every single way possible but it wasn't too bad because my parents are chill people in general.

Things went srs on Friday, he got sussed out by the one and only Jes, and I got advice from like all my close friends regarding the matter. And I remember Jes nudging me on my side saying GO GRAB HIS HAND etc etc. Idk I guess it was awkward but when she left I was just like YOLO ILL DO IT WAT HAPPENS NOW. Nothing happened, we just went hand-in-hand to our respective CGs. So after that it was pretty much unofficial, and when we saw eachother on Saturday I took it upon myself to act coupley and we even bumped into people we know... The rest is history I guess because after that I'm no longer foreveralone.

So anyway, now that I have quenched all of your thirst for knowledge, I will write more weekly stuff when I bother along with makeup stuff as well.

B I R T H D A Y H Y P E

Very, very late birthday post! It's ok the Melbourne one will be later cuz I have an entire week to blog about O_O.

Preparation
So I actually did an amazing amount of planning for this. It took me forever to decide on and book a dinner venue, and Meriton was literally an impulse booking. But BBQ City and a 2 Bedroom Skyview apartment was perfect! I was so tightarse about everything like pre-purchasing mixers and how to run the day it actually got stressful. Everyone's like you need to calm down dude!

Karaoke/Lunch
About 10 people showed up for the lunch event (but 2 was in set-up team, they were joined by JTj), everyone except Step and me were too hungry to sing, I was hungry too but I must sing!!! I order a pasta but those tight control pants meant that I only ate like 2 bites... But guess what I WENT FOR FREE because for some reason they only charged us for 7 people... okay? Chokmasta and Sweetie had to go early so the rest of us just headed up to hotel early to check it out and chill. The view was freaking amazing! We went to pick up mixers because set-up team filled the fridge up with beer and cider.

Dinner
I met up with almost everyone before dinner to walk to the venue together. The fridge is pretty much filled to the brim with alcohol and mixers at this point. I'm so glad most people respected my request to BYO. Because of them control tights I ate like very little but I didn't have to pay for it so woop woop! We also went to Macca's after because expensive Korean food meant that some people weren't fully fed. We also had a lot of latecomers so we also had to wait for them to finish eating. I'm just a bit disappointed that people didn't mingle as much and neither did I because I was mostly sitting with my CG and biffles.

Hotel
I arrived at hotel to people shouting "SURPRISE!"And I saw a pig cake sitting on the table along with my many presents. More liquor went in the fridge. We were pretty much split into three groups- bedroom D&M ladies, balcony gossip people and card/drinking games group. Until I decided to make a spontaneous speech and cut the cake/open my presents. Which was a dock, makeup, steam stuff and a SALT LAMP. Trust u Wilso. But thank you for organising everything ^_^

SS had to leave early but Chairman stayed. The groups then split back into three with the balcony group now in the dining room. Our rubbish bin just keeps on piling up with bottles but that was ok. Highlights of the drinking games include the King's game where I was benched by Bar (pretty impressive) and Turtle/Step's hilarious re-enactment of Batman's parents' death.

After most people went home bedding arrangements were interesting. I expected people to be fine sleeping on the floor but everyone wants a bed so I managed to squish them on the chairs, the sofa, and our 4 beds which were put together anyway. I had a bad night's sleep because of the gap at my butt and my failing to fight the 2 Jesses for the blanket. We were WAY too lazy to switch off the aircon and ended up getting hit by full breeze BRRRR. There was also a mirror on the ceiling which is meant to be kinky I'm guessing but we just found it scary...

The aftermath
I managed to get up on time, clean up the hotel and go to internship fully awake with Step tagging along. A few days later I got my other presents (Deathadder Chroma, MJ lipstick, CM Arcana, Baymax) and even another cake thanks Wildlife <3

Overall, I didn't actually cry on my 19th birthday, WOOHOOO!

I've got a big mouth

That is all.

What am I even trying.

I need to relax.

I also require adequate amounts of time to figure feels out.

Will write about Bday soon

A LIST FOR LARRY

• Razer Blackwidow Chroma
• iPhone/iPod Dock with good back support 
• iTunes/Steam money
• ^ Anything from my Steam wishlist
• Headphone stand
• Kate Spade Cedar Street Maise in light blue
• High-end Lipsticks
• Eyeshadow Palettes

Thank you

So I've come to a realisation that there's this person in the world, whenever I'm around them, I can be at most ease.

I don't have to worry about how I look, how I talk or what I'm wearing, because I know that to them it would not have made a difference.

There are no limits to what we can do, because we both hold no ulterior motives.

Around them, I forget all the existing stress that I've piled on top of myself disappears and I only have to focus on them and having fun together.

Is this what being truly comfortable is?

Thank you, person! :)

<3

Time spent with my CG

Dear BCG, what can I say about you?

Despite my hectic worklyf you're a group I always have time for, a group I don't get sick of even though I have to see them twice every week, a group I'm happy to give up double pay and many social/family events for just because I feel the need to commit to.

I do so many things together with these guys it's ridiculous. From NYE to Australia Day, from camp to any other day we decide to get together and just... chill.

It's amazing just how much more connected you are (haha geddit cuz it's connect group) to people who share the same values and vision as you, to fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who also aim to dedicate their lives to the Lord.

But before I could even relish in all the great times we had together, we're going under a split. It's for the greater good, of course. We are looking to expand our network and reach out to new people, some of us look to finally pursue their calling, and others may just feel like they were thrown in the deep end because they're just good at what they do.

I will be leading Wildlife this year, and while a part of me feels excited and fulfilled, the majority of me only feel... well... feels.

We've had about 3 farewell events now and the whole idea of everyone being apart from one another still feels shocking and unfamiliar. I will no longer be seeing all these friends I've just grown closer to over the past year, and people change, and often it is hard to cope with that especially if you weren't there to witness their change.

Let's take a look at two of these farewells:

CAMP
The moment we combined with Wildlife we knew they were preparing us for this split. Although we had liek 17 people squished into one tiny house without air conditioning in 40 degree weather we had so much fun bonding with one another. Waking up every morning with your entire outfit damp from sweat was unpleasant, and so is lining up for the shower and realising you're like 10th in order. But everything else was so amazing... The sessions, sports at the park, walks by the wharf... Many things that will forever be engraved in my memory.

AUSTRALIA DAY
This was an event I organised spontaneously because I feel like that before leaving I should at least get the OG crew together to have fun again. Pretty much everyone was able to make it which was cool. My parents actually offered to cook for us and it was such a pleasant surprise because I was ready to feed these guys anything I could dig up from my fridge. We played our regular games like Deal and Bridge and also Tekken and Youtubing weird stuff. Time passed so quickly I hadn't even realised we spent 8 hours sitting in the same spot just spending time together.

FAREWELL SOCIAL
Everyone actually made it this time! I brought Jimface along in hopes of him being able to become a part of our group. I had internship beforehand but was let off early so I met Barrel for a nice chat before the actual meetup. We went to eat at Arisun (mum showed me this article where they found worms in it and I had to check it again only to find it being taken off typical Wechat BS) and then crashed Whale's place for some intense Wii gaming. It was kind of feelsy at the end but

SPONTANEOUS CARD SESH
I bumped into Radad and Koe today during work and asked them to wait for me afterwards because I'm foreveralone and all. They actually waited for me! Radad offered his place for us to chill at and I was taught how to Bridge and we were joined by Whale and Boi. Somehow we spent 3 hours playing just cards and Radad's mum even made garlic bread for us :') I also finished writing the farewell cards too!

Tomorrow we'll be having our proper farewell dinner and all I can say is my body will never be ready for the feels to come.

#juststeamthings

P1: will you play gat out of hell with me?
P2: O/////////O
P2: I-I need to think about this
P1: ok i understand if you need some time to think abt this
P2: Idk man I mean we just finished SRIV
P2: i think it's moving too fast
P2: gotta slow down
P1: ok ok i completely understand
P1: i too want to take things slowly
P2: this is a big commitment
P1: yea, im just really nervous you know. in the past things didnt work out so well :(
P2: yeah I know how you feel, my last co-op experience ended badly too
P2: he just couldn't handle the pressure, ya know?
P1: yea for sure
P1: i felt like as if i messed up
P1: and i cant forgive myself you know
P1: just dont want to get hurt again
P2: Yes, indeed, I guess we will have to forget the past and move on, but I'm glad you brought this up.

P1: ahh good good

P1: just wanted to get it off my chest

...

And then I spat out my drink.

Super-delayed Melbourne Post

In fact this post was so damn delayed I almost forgot I event went to Melbourne before. But in the spirit of going there again and being awkward if I post that first I will post this anyway so read on if you're interested it probably won't be that interesting anyway since there are almost no pictures.

DAY ONE

Jes and I got to the airport at 6am. Yep, 6 freaking AM and our plane was at 8. We had plenty of fun in the airport eating lots of food and taking photos of random stuff. It wasn't long till we had to board our plane which was crowded, uncivilised and generally peasant compared to international flights. But that was ok, it's got the bogan spirit! It took less than an hour for the plane to arrive and the excitement was real as both of us prettied up in the airport. We managed to get a Skybus ticket too but decided against their hotel transfer service because we wanted to walk from Southern Cross (their Central) to our hotel and eat lunch on the way. Jes only wanted to take photos so I was stuck with the suitcase =_=, but that's ok lose weight 4 more gainz!

The Hardware Societe was our obligatory first stop since both of us were super excited about Melbourne coffee. It didn't amaze us THAT much, but I can see where it gets its hype from. I ordered a mocha and herb-roasted mushroom toast while Jess had chai latte with her pork belly. From there it was easy to walk to our hotel which was surprisingly close to town center. Then Rib finally responded to my calls and texts and told us he'd come to the city to give us a tour. So the two of us unpacked and freshened up in our nice studio apartment for a hotel. I even got a complimentary drink because of my mum's silver membership hehe!

The weather was super hot and cold at the same time as Rib took us on the fastest-paced tour ever around town. He showed us all the major shopping districts and tourist attractions, somehow, we remembered! After he left our first goal was to find the casino because it supposedly had a huge indoor arcade. Took us the longest time ever but we ended up finding it! Too bad we literally did nothing in it because despite its size the arcade had no variety =_= Afterwards both of us became quite exhausted and after I stopped by H&M on the way back we settled back at the hotel. Jes had homework to write and feet blisters to heal (I made her a home remedy involving tea bags and the kitchen sink) which took forever and I was hungry and tired so I dozed off... only to wake up feeling the sickest I had been in years.

Feeling bad Jes encouraged me to go out and tempted me with food. I felt better after but the place we were planning on going to (Asian Beer Cafe) had costume night so we ended up walking around town finding a cheap place to eat. I still feel headachy and nauseous this time and had to take a billion toilet trips because somehow I have diarrhoea as well. We stumble upon Gyoza Gyoza in their longass Chinatown which had super cheap nice food and awesome drinks. Too bad I was so sick on the top half and diarrhoea-ing on the bottom half (which was soooo embarrassing sigh) to enjoy the meal properly. I suspected food poisoning from the donuts this morning. After making like 50 toilet trips I finally felt better and we are able to go back to the hotel and rest up for the big day.

DAY TWO

Day 2 is PAX-DAY! We woke up early enough from the night before to get dressed in cosplay and take selfies. Taxis are so cheap here and we were lucky enough to score a taxi even though it was a race day and it's apparently impossible to hail a cab (we stood out cuz of our wigs I guess?). We were super excited upon arriving and seeing all this nerdy goodness (and collecting all the freebies of course!) I also got texts from Hika and AL asking to meet up later in the day.

Surprisingly I don't have much to say about this convention, it was all about going around stalls getting freebies and occasionally posing for a photograph. The highlight of the day would probably be Jes winning an SSD from the MSY lucky draw and us going round and round the LoL booths to grab free skins. We didn't end up having lunch however and I was really dehydrated the whole time while Jes is full on a Cactus in human form. She's got so much stamina it's amazing.

Because we're friendly people keen to make more friends, Jes and I invited AL to stay at our hotel since he had nowhere to go... BIG MISTAKE MUCH REGRET LATER IN LIFE. This guy pretty much turned out to be a sleazy asshole with no respect for women. We went to ABC and the food there was nice (except their gross Long Islands). Jes and I tried to put it nicely by calling him Anti-fun but acting super snobby and going around (after Melb) telling everyone how he totally 'scored' was just retarded. Since we always combined our beds together he decided to move from his rightful place on the couch to the middle of the two beds, putting aside how freaking sleazy that was both Jes and I had our personal space invaded so we obv shuffled outwards but he kept on rolling from side to side and since both of us are practically gonna roll off the bed we kicked him into the crack. He asked us if we wanted to hang in the morning and we're just like NAGTFO. Luckily Jes and I fixed the rumors that (thanks Turtle :D) he later made up and now everyone knows what really happened.

DAY THREE

Since both of us had like 0 sleep the night before we weren't all that keen to get up and having to pack up because of the checkout curfews. I felt like poop with a hangover and all and the hotel staff were nice enough to give us abit more sleep-in time :'). They also let us store our luggage until the Hotel Transfer Service arrives (which they also booked for us), super service <3 I felt better once we're out in fresh air though. We went Victoria Markets across the road from our hotel and checked out their fresh organic produce. I bought my parents organic coffee while Jes bought... BLUE CHEESE? She's later gonna regret it because it ended up stinking so much hahahaha. We also had some street food nearby like sweet Cannoli and colourful pot stickers, they were very nice.

We tried to find alleyways with good street art and came across this really nice lane with some amazing art pieces. Apparently Flinders Lane had all the good stuff but the one we found was amaze! We left the artists there a note so maybe they'll see it and feel wubbed :3

I later got very hungry, I needed lunch real bad :( Our plan was going to Giraffe Cafe but it was closed :( So we then went Koko Black Royal Arcade but it only sold desserts so we took a raincheck on that. All cafes are closed on Sundays for some reason so we had to settle for this place which I forgot the name of but it didn't have much to buy we ended up sharing a brioche. Funny story though we found a fruit fly in it and had to get the dish swapped... they were full judging us and it was so awks... Reminds me of communitychannel's video 'they gonna spit in yo food'. At Koko black we both ordered desserts but my sickness struck again OTL. I couldn't finish my food and we had to get it taken away cuz no time to eat we got a bus to catch D:

So in conclusion, although there were a few mishaps in our Melbourne trip, Melbourne is such a chill, laid-back artsy city with nice, friendly people and awesome culture- both from the many things you can do there to the much foodporn such fat you can get :) I totally experienced the last two hands on during the USANA conference but I'll blog about that later :D

[MAKEUP REVIEW] Part Six

This set of makeup reviews includes the first half of my ridiculous amounts of purchases over the Christmas period (and some products I accidentally left out of my previous reviews), and this doesn't even include the craptons of skincare I bought for the lulz (sry USANA). Also I want to address the reason why most of the product I've tried have such good ratings- because I don't buy something unless I've done research beforehand! Also no product have received a 10/10 yet (the closest would probably be the MAC mascara/chubby stick)

MAC Studio Finish Concealer 6/10
I've probably already said previously that my Dior concealer was more of a luxury eye treatment than a proper concealer, so I've instead decided to purchase this. Due to the unique condition of my skin I had to get 2 colours: NC30 to target redness and NW25 to get purple. But the result was amazing because the thick consistency of this concealer was able to cover all my blemishes, albeit sometimes it looks slightly cakey. However lately (hot weather) I've noticed that my pots have become oil-like and gross, cleaning it with a paper towel does not fix this problem either so I end up creating alot of wastage. Luckily each pot contains a generous amount of product so it'll probably last me a few years anyway.

MAC Superslick Liquid Eyeliner 8/10
I obvious own this in 'On The Hunt' and I finally get why this is such a cult favourite now. The liner dries in a 3-D manner so it looks really awesomely pigmented... even on my crappy hooded eyes! The brush is really easy to work with too whether you want a nice, thick line or a thin flick for an easy cateye. I thought using liquid liners would be hard but this product has proven me wrong! There is also a nice gloss look to the finished line so you look even more fab as a result.

Clinique Chubby Stick Intense Moisturising Lip Colour Balm 9/10
Before purchasing this product in the 'Plushest Punch' (which looks red but is actually a nice dark pink) colour I wasn't too sure about using lip crayons since they are generally very opaque in application... oh boy was I so wrong! The new Intense line really pulled a good one because the colour is so pigmented and beautiful! The best part? My lip managed to stay moisturised for the whole day without re-application! Simply amazing! The stick itself is easy-storage as well and the lid fits on the end of the stick so I don't lose it. It's small things like this that really draw me in. This product does not get full marks because of Clinique's heavy use of harmful chemicals in their products. Sorry chubby stick :(

Chi-Chi Glamorous Eyeshadow Palette 8/10
I own this product in "O.M.F.G" and "Pretty". Again, a friend told me about this hidden gem and how it rivals all the high-end palettes. I did not believe her till I tried it! The OMFG purchase was actually an impulse buy because I was dying to own bright eyeshadows so I can play around with the colours... this caught my eye immediately! This product is highly pigmented, easily blendable and long-lasting! If the packaging and brushes included weren't so crappy I'd give it full marks easily... but hey, what can you expect from something that's only $20??

Too Faced Chocolate Bar Eyeshadow Palette 9/10
I was dying to purchase a proper neutrals palette due to how failed my UD dupe turned out to be, so this palette was obviously my first choice (that I can actually buy in Australia). And man am I so happy with my choice. In my honest opinion I like this palette better than the NAKED simply because it's more bang for the buck. You're getting the same amount of colours and pigmentation for 30 dollars less (since you can't get UD in Australia so that's shipping costs too!)... c'mon guys. The best of all? It uses natural cocoa and as a result the palette smells so good! Like real chocolate! I just wanna eat it! Unfortunately compared to NAKED, the downfall of this palette is its bulky magnetic packaging that flings open real easily, plus you don't get a brush (not even a spong-tip). But that's not really a problem for me because I have plenty of brushes to spare.

Too Faced Bulletproof 24-Hour Eyeliner 8/10

This product was a surprise find when my workmate and I decided to loiter about Mecca Maxima. She saw this product, tried it on for fun and when she tried to wipe it off it did not budge one bit! I needed a silver eyeliner and no other brand had this shade so I bought this in 'Silver Lining'. I strongly recommend you to get it in 'Black Out' or another everyday shade because this is just amazing. Once the product sets you're good to go for the whole day! It even comes with a smudger and sharpener which I thought was cute because I wasn't a big fan of how thick the pen was. Turns out it's so you can also use it as an eyeshadow stick if you smudge the line sparingly... ideal for an easy smokey-eye!

[MAKEUP REVIEW] Part Five

Finally, this series can continue (just like my collection, lol)! This post will begin with my StrawberryNet haul then finish off with my various miscellaneous purchases. There should be one more post after this about my holiday makeup haul so stay tuned!

Lancome Hypnose Doll Lashes Waterproof Mascara 6/10
Um is it just me or is Hypnose just overhyped? I really like the shape and smell of this mascara but the application just doesn't give enough drama. I shouldn't complain since I got this off Strawberry Net for like 30 bucks and it could even be fake. The good thing about a fibre wand is that it doesn't clump your lashes together, however there is visible (to your own eye close up to the mirror) clumping of the actual product in the middle of my lashes which is just plain awks. The tip of the mascara which is designed for precision brush strokes often gets clumped with product as well so I feel like they should have made the opening more narrow. The good thing is it sits relatively well on the undereye lashes and doesn't smudge all that much.

Giorgio Armani Waterproof Eye Pencil 9/10
I have this in the Copper colour, and it is beautifully amazing on the waterline. Super natural alternative to a rose-gold shadow to just give your inner eye corners a natural highlight. In fact you probably can't even tell there's product on your undereye until you stand far and realise your eye is much more bright. This liner is beautifully pigmented and applies on super smooth, plus I only got it for like 20 bucks online (thanks strawberrynet). However, I'm personally not a big fan of pencil liners that you have to sharpen (twist ftw) but that pet peeve aside (and the fact that you can only get this online now and quite exp too) this liner is perfect for everyday wear unless you're too cheap to buy it and prefer just using eyeshadow.

NARS Bronzing Powder 8/10
Like other normal people, I own this in the shade of Laguna. This is a very natural bronzing powder that is easily buildable and also has multiple uses. Use it for bronzing! Use it for highlighting! Use it as a blush! Use it as an eyeshadow! It looks really good on Asian skin and you can either create a natural or dramatic look. Now onto the downsides... NARS has beautiful packaging and all but it gets dirty so freaking easily with my filthy fingerprints and nails! Also this product doesn't include a brush so investment time bois. I'm also not a fan of how shimmery this is. There are also complaints about how this product can make you look patchy easily if you don't blend well so watch out guys.

Benefit The POREfessional Pro Balm 9/10
I recently found love in Benefit after I went to see what the hype was about (got forcefully dragged to try out their stuff by a fan friend). This brand really is innovative in their products because the moment I tried on this primer my world has been changed. It actually made me holey crappy face skin baby smooth... BABY SMOOTH. This product absorbed like magic and as a result my super runny Guerlain foundation applied perfectly and after applying powder the end result is amazing. I know alot of people are put off by how small the tube is (only 22mls!) but my suggestion would be for you to only use this on problematic areas of the skin and using an SPF moisturiser as your primary base instead.

Benefit Benetint 8/10
Another cult favourite that I managed to snag after buying their Sugarglam fairies set... then going on to buy the full-sized product LOL. Benefit has alot of tints and it took me a while to decide on which one to get. I must say that I am very happy with my choice because out of all of them this one is most runny in consistency and is therefore the easiest to blend, for my yellowy skintone this is also the most natural because idk why but my skin does not have pink tones to it at ALL like I'm sick all the time. I do have complaints about it though, the packaging and applicator for example makes this product super intimidating for noobs (it looks like nailpolish dammit) and like all tints can look REALLY dodgy if you don't apply it properly... then becomes super hard to remove LOL. It also dries out your lips really quickly and feels very funny if you use it as a lip-dye which I don't because it's just not my thing. But once you learn the tips and tricks I guarantee that you'll like the results- a healthy, natural glow to your skin!

What started as a harmless comment...

Step 1: Don't think about it.

Step 2: It's just another phase.

Step 3: Crai evertim.

Just stop smiling at me.