Cutting ties

You got one, congrats.

In fact, both of u got it, amazing.

I keep telling myself how pathetic both of you are for downgrading.

But then it hit me, I was the downgrade.

I’ve lost my ability to vent

In the beginning I was having a blast. I knew what I was doing.
It was making me happy, I am aware of what I get out of it, nobody else knows about it.

Then that honeymoon phase ended and I’m left being my doubtful, untrusting and paranoid self. I keep asking myself, not too much has changed, but why am I always unhappy?

If something’s making me unhappy, I need to make it disappear. I need to get away from it like I always did.

But I think I know why today. I’m unhappy cos I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know what I’m getting out of it and I definitely don’t have an endgame. I’m scared of getting too much out of it, of developing a reliance, or even an addiction. Others are telling me to just cut it out, they are always right aren’t they?

But each time I try to put a stop to it the boundaries blur once again and I just end up giving more chances, over and over again.

Maybe next time it’ll be different.

But it never is.

I savour every moment. Every touch. Every taste.

But hopes and idealism gets crushed by the weight of reality.

None of that.

It’s toxic, I hate it.

I hate you.

Ends are Beginnings

It has nearly been a good month and it almost feels like forever ago when I said the words and put a stop to what just isn't working.

I'm not sure if I became a better person, I'm trying to be.

But sometimes I really question my own actions. I think to myself, is this really me? Have I transformed more in this short period of time than I ever did? Or maybe I've always been like this and I only recently discovered my true self LMAO IDEK MAN.

But I am definitely trying to improve myself, try new things and new people too. Life's boring without some change.

我靠我是不是玩的太疯了，原则不要了，标准降低了，还是太孤独了
其实真的就是和你玩玩，马上就要走了，不要留恋我，如果你想要别的那就等我回来吧

On that note, a half-finished wishlist.

Since nobody reads this blog anyway I'm thinking of going back to my old ways of a wishlist. In my case, a list of things I will slowly buy one by one once the ridiculous amount of money required for each one has been saved.

SS17 Kate Spade clothes
CDG Play Shirt
Anastasia BH Lip Palette
Rig Upgrade
Kat Von D Alchemist Palette
UD Full Spectrum Palette
Gucci Low-tops
Too Faced Sweet Peach Collection glosses & blush
A new brush set
Burberry Sweater/Tshirt
Jo Malone Eng Pear & Freesia Diffuser
Pony Effect Makeup :^)
New Laptop for Japan

I feel like I have accomplished something important

It's been 3 years and counting but I finally did it. I can finally put behind me the young and vulnerable Pigothy and step forward as a slightly mature pig. I've got to say this is like the longest infatuation of my life something that has been such a burden on my heart and soul. But finally overcoming this hurdle is definitely worth celebrating.

On a side note why am I so freaking attracted to the 2nd Male Lead in movies/dramas you know the back-ups boys that never gets the girl. I suppose my type of boiii happen to possess all qualities of the friendzone lmao.

Goodbye, Duckerino.

Midnight Thoughts

Since it's 3am and I feel like I should vent this SOMEWHERE I choose you inactive teenage angst blog!!

So I love my online Chinese novels right, like I can prolly name 50 recommendations if u give me a topic/genre.

Recently these novels have become more and more popular and ppl have started to make them into movies and dramas... that's a good thing right?

...I'm not sure really.

Since they made the slightly more mainstream 珊珊来了, 大汉情缘and 何以笙箫默 I knew it wouldn't be long till they can potentially ruin 微微　IN WHICH THE MALE PROTAGONIST 肖奈IS MY DREAM BAE. But hey at least I semi agree with the casting for that one (except for the female protagonist her voice is ew) so I'm ok.

This is ok, Yang Yang is hawt.

Then I saw this today, they're making 原来你还在这里with Kris as the main guy 程铮. No just get out pls. So that is how the thought of all my fave novels... down to the most obscure ones will be ruined in the future.

THIS IS NOT OK Someone shoot me before I shoot myself WTH IS THIS SHIET

Yeah I'm really weird after being sick and sleeping for the whole day. Time for bed now toodles.

So

Feels like a repeat of HS when one friendship dies and it starts some kind of huge butterfly effect and everyone else around you dies with it so you can't even just ignore it and move on with your life.

It's what I get for mixing groups I suppose.

In fact I think I'm really content with just a few friends now as opposed to the 100 I had last year. Maybe it's a good thing that they all just slowly fade away.

Idk maybe it's just me.

I miss year 12 back when things were simpler.

Long time no blog, I'll try to get back to it soon. 

Another Blogging Drought

...Oops

Anyways, another busy month for the good ol' Pigtato! I had Conference, camp, uni started finally, TI5 came and went and I am the sickest I have been since that one week in China after HSC. So let me tell you a-bit about it as I sit here sipping my tenth cup of herbal tea and coughing my lungs out while being overloaded by work and depressed over everything.

Conference wasn't as enlightening and life-changing as I hoped, probably because I feel like God only speaks to me when I'm lost and depressed and I was pretty happy with life throughout Conference. However I did see many lives changed, including some of my very own Wildlife kids! I unhesitatingly signed up for next year though!  Waking up at 6:30 every day and sleeping at 11 really takes a toll on your body.

Overall the week had really worn me out. I almost forget about having camp that Wednesday and instead decided it was a good idea to visit Bar who has a flu and caught that fever flu just in time for camp. How convenient. This was definitely one of my worst camp experiences in terms of personal wellbeing because I couldn't eat anything, couldn't get dranks with friends and above all couldn't participate in anything. I literally just stayed in my bed and moped. I ended up having to leave early too. BOO!

Uni had started and honestly I'm not feeling up to it at all, my sickness made me miss the first day too sigh. Night classes are so ceebs and I wish my timetables added up so I don't have to get home at 9pm every day. Especially with internship too don't even get me started on that sigh it's like what am I even doing here.

Then came Ti5, it was supposed to be fun because I get to spend whole week with Bar and then go city to meet D-Burger, Jdn and Zak. Except I didn't take into account SMASH and all that jazz. Ofc I didn't end up going SMASH but I did Gal and Wilso's makeup for them early in the morning. By the end of the night I was way too exhausted and sick. So on Sunday the sick train began.

Just what am I doing with my life right now.

May/June Report

May/June had been a busy month for me, so busy that for the first time in my blogging history I had not written a single entry about it, which is really counter-intuitive because it makes it seem like there's absolutely nothing to report on it. Therefore I will quickly report the things that I got up to in this period of time under some well thought-out sub headings.

Korean Makeup/Skin-care Hauls
I don't know how it happened, but somehow Jes and I both got into Korean Makeup after I brought her some goods from my Singapore trip (which I promise I'll write about... soon... very soon...). So anyway, during May/June I almost doubled my makeup collection which is laughable considering I don't even have a job. I've been also adding some Innisfree products into my USANA-only skincare routine and while I didn't see any differences for a whole month lately my pimples have began to shrink though my face still looks like a mess due to scars...etc. Jes wanted to start a review/lifestyle collaboration blog as a result.

Church all day Nigerian
Most of you are aware that the main group I spend my time with now are my church peeps. Through this period of time I've completely integrated myself into Wildlife as the resident mother-figure. I attended the JustCar wedding which everybody took ages to prepare for, whether it's new haircuts, eyebrow appointments and hauling for many clothing items. Their relationship is really enviable because looking at them it's hard to imagine anything going wrong. It also got everyone into a lifepartner-search craze as my beloved co-leader-but-really-he-is-the-boss, brother-in-LAW also got into a relationship with one of the sweetest girls I know. And he went from I-am-the-Alpha to I-am-so-whipped it's adorable.

Attempted Dates
I planned on going to see Vivid with the Bar towards the end of the even. The date went south very quickly as he was a whole hour late and we missed the movie. Our dinner plan also went awry because it was Imouto's birthday and we got invited to a fancy dinner with their families. I didn't mind the changing dinner plans because I love my imouto and it kinda meant I'm a part of the family now. However as we headed to see Vivid THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE, WHERE DID YA'LL COME FROM? It was pretty much shoulder-to-shoulder all over Darling Harbour and Circular Quay nty. We did score a cool spot for the light show so that was okay.

So after that failed date we rescheduled Mad Max and ended up watching it before CG on a Friday. The movie itself was not a date movie by any means but the explosions were very cool and tasteful (none of that Michael Bay nonsense). We also had a successful all-day date, planning to go see Winter Garden only to be disappointed because there's like, nothing there. We did spot several cool cars (including a McLaren that made Bar weak at the knees). Then we had lunch, did some shopping, chilled and ate dinner. It was a pretty perfect day imo.

And that's it folks, watch out for my Conference post soon~

Random Flash of Insecurity

So I just spontaneously did 3 8 minute workouts, bought $100 worth of Korean trouble-care skincare even though I'm a loyal USANA user and set all my sleep timers to before 1am.

It's like I suddenly realised, not like you look in the mirror and go "Oh." but the type of realise where you realise that you realise that you look like a piece of poop. I wouldn't stop poking my stupid tummy fat and when Bar squishes my tummy I'm just like GO AWAY DO U HAVE FAT FETISH OR SMTH internally. Then I wouldn't stop picking at my pimples and after I finish the deed I'm just like crying over whatever future infection or scar that I'm gonna get.

Life is quite hard sometimes.

On the bright side, my cramps aren't as bad this month, my PMS could have been alot worse and I got contacted via Linkedin for a legit paying uni-major-related job!

[MAKEUP REVIEW] Part Eight

Let's get straight in this baby since my UD haul did me no good in terms of collecting stuff.

Benefit Hydra-Smooth Lip Color 6/10
I bought this with my MYER ONE reward card and only got to use it like twice before good ol' mum took it. I had my eyes on this for a while because every time I crash Barrel's workplace I'd just play with the lipsticks there and I swatched a nice orangey colour (lip-service). Turns out, when applied on your lips, this product is very, VERY sheer due to its moisturising, lip-balm like formula, The packaging is cute but very cheap-looking and it reminds me of Korean cosmetics packaging. If you want an orange lipstick definitely try the Marc Jacobs Kiss Pop collection or Etude House collection and not this one.

Marc Jacobs Kiss Pop Lipstick 8/10
I got the colour Pop Rock for my birthday and it is an orangey-red which very much reminds me of my YSL Corail Incandescent lipstick without the moisturising formula. This product also offers a more orange alternative (Crush) and a more pink alternative (wham) both which I'm definitely putting on my shopping list because the colours of Kiss Pop lipsticks are just so purdy ermahgherd. The product itself is a matte lipstick in the shape of a cute pencil-crayon. The colour payoff is amazing though it's not the smoothest formula when it comes to gliding across your lips. I actually like the pencil design of the bullet because it's very versatile and you don't have to worry about it going out of shape.

Too Faced Natural Eyes Palette 9/10

Another birthday gift (from SS <3). I was surprised at first upon receiving this palette because I already have both Chocolate Bars and I wasn't sure if I need more neutrals... then I saw the colours. There are 3 mattes, 3 satins and 3 shimmer colours great for both everyday wear and night out... Plus it's all in a convenient compact great for travel (actually bringing mine to Singapore). I love Silk Teddy and Cashmere Bunny they're so pretty and work great as bases. All colours are highly pigmented and long-lasting. Plus they gave you twice the amount for lighter shades so you don't have to go through the whole pan. This is such an underdog palette everyone should get it :D

Too Faced Semi-Sweet Chocolate Palette 8/10
I bought this product immediately when Australia finally decided to ship it only a few months late compared to good ol' Murica. I will definitely write in-depth reviews for all my palettes with swatches and all in the future. So what can I say about this product? Well first off, it is designed pretty much identical to its predecessor as they share the same packaging and even same colour layout inside! Personally I actually like the colours on this one better because it has better matte options and the tones are more yellow-hued which means it looks better on Asians! They even improved upon the old one by actually putting the colour names on the palette as opposed to a flimsy plastic sheet cover. Sadly some colours of this palette did not wow me in their pigmentation (COUGH Pink Sugar COUGH) and I was looking forward to using them sad.

Etude House Dear Girls Big Eyes Maker 7/10
Unlike the hype around the Etude House Cute Eyes maker I can hardly find any review on this product which I impulsely bought because the colours are much nicer than the former, not knowing how to use it or anything LOL. Turns out you're supposed to apply the brown end on the outer third of your eye and the gold end in the inner third... which apparently creates bigger eyes? The design is the same concept as the Cute Eyes maker as the product is inside the lid and by screwing it back on you're essentially applying the pigment on the wand. To be completely honest I've never managed to achieve the puppy eye look as advertised by this product ever, so now I just keep it in my on-the-go makeup bag as an easy eyeshadow application method. I also use the shimmery gold colour as an eye highlighter all the time because the colour looks great on Asian skin.

Trust

Trust is an interesting thing.

It's interesting because it's something that I can never get right... It can break your heart in the worst ways, yet when things don't go awry it can also make you realise how wonderful of a place the world is.

You can never accurately measure trust, because one would constantly question their own.

"Am I not trusting you enough?"
 I was watching an episode of Happy Camp and in it the hosts and guests held a panel on deciphering the female species. One of the discussion topics was "why do girls constantly ask their boyfriends if they love them". And while most men would groan and facepalm when asked this, one of the host's responses really enlightened me: "Girls are insecure, they need to be constantly reassured that they are loved. If you told her that you love her yesterday, and then today, she thinks that you may stop loving them tomorrow."

I'm an insecure person, and these insecurities often translate to doubt. Sometimes my lack of faith can blind me to those who care for me the most. When I see people I love hanging around other people, I easily become jelly. If they are hanging around X, would that mean that they'd stop hanging with me? A funny anecdote from last week, I asked him why he barely spent any time with me during Easter, he said it was because we always spend time together and he had not hung with his friends for a long time. In my insecure (and to be fair, I was PMSing) mind, that instantly translated to: He must be getting sick of me, this might be the end of our relationship. Note how I jump to conclusions so easily; perhaps it was the entire rushed-ness of this thing, or perhaps this only shows just how in lack of trust I can be. But of course, at the end of the day, when I can always expect a clingy hug, or a text telling me goodnight, these doubts are always put to a rest, and I am left to just appreciate his existence.

"Am I trusting you too much?"
At the other end of the spectrum, we are afraid of how much we trust people, because unfortunately, too much trust can often lead to something that nobody wants, and that's betrayal. While I talked about being insecure, betrayal is often what causes insecurity. And sadly, every one of us will experience this some point in our lives, and when it does, it will be painful.

This is another problem that I find myself having these past days. I find myself hurting like hell. In fact, I was hurting so much it simply stopped hurting, like I'd just tell myself that it doesn't matter any more. I had faith in a friendship, two, in fact. But nothing pains more than seeing both those go to waste, at the same time. While all of this had been a few weeks ago, I guess right now I'm finally coming out into the open about it and admitting it. I do care, and because I do I am in pain. I have mixed feelings blogging about this, too. I want them to read it, yet I'm scared of yet another confrontation and me eventually breaking down because of it.

I guess it isn't anyone's fault, because for this to happen there must be roots of discontent deep down, things we don't like about each other."If they are not building you up to God, you'd just have to let them go." Well said. Even if the misunderstanding eventually becomes cleared, things will never go back to what they were, it'll just be a peaceful closure. This has caused me too much damage for its own good, and I don't think I'd be able to ever forget, or risk getting hurt again.

I can trust
In the spirit of the Easter message, I'd like to share some of the conclusions I have on this subject. While it's impossible for us to completely trust anyone nowadays, there's one person we can always rely upon, for He will never let us down, and we will never be forsaken. Christine Caine spoke about the stone of the tomb being rolled away, not for Him to get to us, but for us to reach Him. All we have to do is make that first step and seek Him.

Trust the LORD with all your heart... and lean not on your own understanding. (Pvbs 3:5)

Peter doubted when he walked on water, but as he began to sink, Jesus reached and grabbed his hand immediately. Even if we make mistakes, as our trust in Him wavers, He is quick to catch us just as we fall. So I take my troubles to Him, for he will bear my burden and lighten my load, as he had carried that cross and rescued me from my own shortcomings.

[MAKEUP REVIEW] Part Seven

This ain't even my final entry because I went crazy. This entry includes part 2 of my crazy Christmas haul. I hope to start to write detailed reviews of specific products soon because I find that my reviews are just TL;DRs of how the product worked for me (and to show you what products I use lel). Hopefully I can write a tutorial sometime down the line too.


Benefit They're Real Mascara 8/10
Alot of people tell me they don't like this mascara... and I don't see why? I personally don't think this mascara is overhyped at all. I was kind of stuck with it after I failed to sell it to anyone because I bought the Sugarglam Fairies Christmas Box. It extends my lashes naturally without clumping and doesn't smudge surprisingly! This is coming from someone who absolutely despises plastic wands... this mascara restored my faith in them LOL. The only thing I found difficult is that the product tend to stick to the tip of the wand so you end up not being able to use it for your undereye lashes.

NARS Highlighting Blush 8/10
I was choosing between this and Benefit Sunbeam for my highlighter and decided to use this because powders are easier to apply PLUS the Albatross packaging matched cutely with my Laguna. And boy it did! Highlighting is always easier than contouring so I find myself using this one more than the other one. The glow from this highlighter is natural, yet buildable (if you want to look like Kim Kardashian I guess).

STILA Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Liner 9/10
This was a part of my impulse Christmas spending spree because at the time I was so frustrated with my crappy MAC pencil I thought maybe a brown liquid liner will be better to create more natural looks. This baby has a nice thin tip so the lines I can create can be super precise and thin (especially for my favourite no makeup makeup look). It also has a nice spring cap that keeps air from going in AKA drying. But the gimmick has its downsides because the lid wouldn't stop coming off and getting stuck... awkward. It also doesn't fit on the other end so you can lose it if you don't take care of it.

STILA Smudge Stick Waterproof Eye Liner 6/10
Stila's crowd favourite pencil eyeliner makes an appearance in my makeup collection because I realised I don't actually have a black pencil liner. The application is smooth and the colour nicely pigmented... but there's a huge drawback. The twist-design of the eyeliner may seem convenient.. BUT DON'T BE FOOLED! It takes heaps of effort to get the eyeliner out because most of the liners are buggy. And if you get too much product out... guess what? You can't twist the other way to get it back in so you might waste product. And you cannot get a thin line because you can't exactly sharpen the tip unless you use the good ol' wipe on tissue until tip sharpens trick. Another downside of this product is its inability to stay on my bottom lashline... IT STILL SMUDGES ;A; The only one that doesn't so far is the Urban Decay liner... review soon.

Guerlain Gloss d'Enfer Maxi Shine Lipgloss 7/10

This review is specifically for the colour 'Rouge Parade' which is a part of Guerlain's holiday collection (A Day At the Opera). I got it for super cheap during the boxing day sales. The colour of this gloss is amazing and long-lasting. It's actually super intense and you can even use it as a lip stain because of how rich the colour is. However the applicator is impossible to figure out because it's really stiff and weirdly shaped unlike other lipglosses I own like my good ol' Chanel one. Newbies also watch out because the tone of colour can be difficult to work with.

Long weeks

The existence of Snapchat stories really make the whole Blogging thing redundant, but I still try my best to write even if most of the time my posts are vague and confusing. It's ok because I feel like I'm getting my feelings across so that's all that matters right?

The past week had been an emotional one. I had a billion moodswings and alot of my friends stayed away from me due to my tendency to take it out on others through my passive aggressive comments via text. And while it hasn't been an entirely horrible, disastrous week considering after my date on Saturday this happened:

So apparently the mother-in-LAW-pun-cuz-I-can had always liked me so yeah the entire time I was stressing about it was just me being oversensitive and stressful... again. In fact while I was sitting on the bus stressing hard the whole reveal thing had been extremely ridiculously anticlimactic. Yeah PuffyBarrelStep prayer circle is quite OP.

But then it went all downhill from there. I had been so overwhelmed by negative thoughts by the end of the week I just couldn't be bothered to do anything.

For example in recent weeks my involvement with Anime Club had been disastrous since all their meetings were on Friday which was always my no-go day. So they were going to shuffle some of the positions during AGM, which was fine by me. And as I contemplate on just resigning (instead of running for pres) by next year there just has been an interesting turn of things. People change, and even if their personality don't necessarily change, their perception of you certainly do. I'm feeling the full hit of these not-so-subtle changes lately and boy do that not feel good.

That's another story for another day, however because another major issue had been about effort. How much am I putting in? How much are you putting in? How much should we both be putting in? Questions bugged my head and being alone on Wednesday just made these questions into negative affirmations. But hey, it only took a huge text-based confession, four hours of emotional ranting to a close friend and intense makeup before I'm back to normal again.

I don't normally get PMS-y, but these weirdass moodswings are as close as I get to them.

彼氏より玉子

The Tale of Eggs over Boys

[Charmingsenpaiguy] lmao my mum's like how can ur girlfriend like you when you dont even eat eggs
[Puffincakes] thats the thing
[Puffincakes] i dont
[Puffincakes] plot twist
[Charmingsenpaiguy] o
[Charmingsenpaiguy] brb gonna cry myself to sleep
[Puffincakes] don't drown in your tears now

My thoughts right now

1. Everybody sucks
2. My brain needs detox
3. I want another drink

I get stressed easily

I always seem to find new things to stress over even as I conquer past worries and stresses. Some of these stress topics are completely unjustified and irrelevant but good ol' me stresses over them anyway.

First and foremost I've been worried about the Bar's momma for a week now. She's one of those overprotective mothers who pretty much dislikes all girls getting close to her baby. So naturally he wouldn't have told his rents and I'm pretty much encouraging him to and if they say no I'm happy to hold it off in respect because respecting parents is important but idk the thoughts of that really makes me depressed so I have this entire battle plan written up because I'm sure that right now at this moment she severely dislikes me because life. PRAY4FRIDAY.

Second is the uni work that is piling up. Jap 3 is a needy gf that needs constant attention while FInt is like a strict parent that test you on your studied knowledge (AKA readings sigh) every week. Now add all the extra stuff I do for church and Anime and suddenly I realise I haven't touched Dota in weeks.

Additionally even though Centrelink finally backpaid me my finances are strained. Not only did I buy my new Chroma keyboard and Cedar Street Maise ($600 lel) I also bought alot of random other things sigh impulse why. Because I wanted to catch the train with Bar I'm basically paying for an extra trip every day and apparently transfer trips don't count for Opal CEEEEEEEBS. I didn't know till today when I tried to use it for Usyd and Nsyd.

Finally my relationship with my own rents are on a strain because I've been really busy so I'm barely at home and that pisses them off so everytime I'm at home they would get angry at me. Yesterday dad snapped at me threw a random tantrum and then two of them went out for dinner without me. I didn't even have lunch and obv there was nothing edible at home so I was prepared to starve with nothing but vodka in my stomach until Step came and took me to a Drive-Thru at like 11pm she's like my angel omg I can't deal. I ate really unhealthy but I had nothing to eat all day.

Some positive things about this week: I got to see my Bar every single day! On Monday I caught his train as usual because I hung with my imouto and Mig after uni so I killed the 3 hours easily. On Tuesday I was formally invited to UpCG and while we didn't get to talk much I had to sit through as he announce to the group for the billionth time "oh yeah we dating ok" because peer pressure sigh. On Wednesday my FInt lecture was cancelled so we got to hang till 5:30 and PDA till the train got here YEP I'VE BECOME ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. This is like 2 and a half hours which is like a lot trust me we barely see eachother because his uni schedule and unknowing parents sigh. Today for some reason we had to go Nsyd to pick up the cashbox so I asked him to come see me at the station best 15 minutes of my day hands down.

Also I've finally started a workout routine but Day 1 left me completely sore and disabled and what do I do? Eat heaps of unhealthy stuff to make up for it suddenly an entire day's work has gone to waste. Step left me her dumbells though so yep I guess you could say I lift now. I will be sure to motivate myself to continue this routine.

STRESS STRESS GO AWAY COME BACK ANOTHER DAY IN FACT JUST GET OUT DON'T COME BACK AT ALL IRONICALLY TOMORROW'S STUDY IS ON STRESS.

Fast Escalation

It has been a pretty hectic and especially emotionally toiling 2 weeks. My close friends had to join me on my emotional rollercoaster ride as I pour out my feels literally everyday to them. Somehow within the week we went from flirty chums to those gross PDA couples.

And to think all of this shizzle started on V-Day...

The Bar and I went for dinner, it was a spontaneous decision because I needed to go H&M to spend my voucher but before I know it I'm out on a dinner date with a guy that I've been texting daily since I got Kakao on Aussie Day. Maybe missing my bus to meet my BarrelStep had been fate after all, because after we parted ways I went on a super duper long D&M with my baes about my feelings and everything. I told them I'll tell them my answer when I know my answer because as someone with total of 10% emotional capacity all this mumbojumbo is really new to me.

So on that Sunday I told them how I felt and everything. And they were both like :3 And ironically he had to give a speech at church about why he makes a good husband to win movie tickets to 'see with a girl'. Funnily enough we made plans to watch Kingsmen (originally Boyhood but it stopped airing) the next day so everyone who knows kind of know where those tickets are going to.

And so on Monday we met up to watch the movie and the air between us was a little different. Depite having to walk alot since we watched it at Broadway it was an amazing movie hands down nevertheless hurhurhur. We also went to get N2 afterwards too, and I went home pondering if that counted as a date. It ended up stressing me out since I'm a noob when it comes to relationships and the next thing I know I became sick.

Was gonna see him again on Tuesday but as I said I was a sick poop. But on Wednesday I had to prep for O'Day and I somehow convinced him to come along. It was a little awkward was all I can say. That isn't until Thursday when we scheduled to build my mum's computer did this awkward topic get brought up. My parents were judging him in every single way possible but it wasn't too bad because my parents are chill people in general.

Things went srs on Friday, he got sussed out by the one and only Jes, and I got advice from like all my close friends regarding the matter. And I remember Jes nudging me on my side saying GO GRAB HIS HAND etc etc. Idk I guess it was awkward but when she left I was just like YOLO ILL DO IT WAT HAPPENS NOW. Nothing happened, we just went hand-in-hand to our respective CGs. So after that it was pretty much unofficial, and when we saw eachother on Saturday I took it upon myself to act coupley and we even bumped into people we know... The rest is history I guess because after that I'm no longer foreveralone.

So anyway, now that I have quenched all of your thirst for knowledge, I will write more weekly stuff when I bother along with makeup stuff as well.

B I R T H D A Y H Y P E

Very, very late birthday post! It's ok the Melbourne one will be later cuz I have an entire week to blog about O_O.

Preparation
So I actually did an amazing amount of planning for this. It took me forever to decide on and book a dinner venue, and Meriton was literally an impulse booking. But BBQ City and a 2 Bedroom Skyview apartment was perfect! I was so tightarse about everything like pre-purchasing mixers and how to run the day it actually got stressful. Everyone's like you need to calm down dude!

Karaoke/Lunch
About 10 people showed up for the lunch event (but 2 was in set-up team, they were joined by JTj), everyone except Step and me were too hungry to sing, I was hungry too but I must sing!!! I order a pasta but those tight control pants meant that I only ate like 2 bites... But guess what I WENT FOR FREE because for some reason they only charged us for 7 people... okay? Chokmasta and Sweetie had to go early so the rest of us just headed up to hotel early to check it out and chill. The view was freaking amazing! We went to pick up mixers because set-up team filled the fridge up with beer and cider.

Dinner
I met up with almost everyone before dinner to walk to the venue together. The fridge is pretty much filled to the brim with alcohol and mixers at this point. I'm so glad most people respected my request to BYO. Because of them control tights I ate like very little but I didn't have to pay for it so woop woop! We also went to Macca's after because expensive Korean food meant that some people weren't fully fed. We also had a lot of latecomers so we also had to wait for them to finish eating. I'm just a bit disappointed that people didn't mingle as much and neither did I because I was mostly sitting with my CG and biffles.

Hotel
I arrived at hotel to people shouting "SURPRISE!"And I saw a pig cake sitting on the table along with my many presents. More liquor went in the fridge. We were pretty much split into three groups- bedroom D&M ladies, balcony gossip people and card/drinking games group. Until I decided to make a spontaneous speech and cut the cake/open my presents. Which was a dock, makeup, steam stuff and a SALT LAMP. Trust u Wilso. But thank you for organising everything ^_^

SS had to leave early but Chairman stayed. The groups then split back into three with the balcony group now in the dining room. Our rubbish bin just keeps on piling up with bottles but that was ok. Highlights of the drinking games include the King's game where I was benched by Bar (pretty impressive) and Turtle/Step's hilarious re-enactment of Batman's parents' death.

After most people went home bedding arrangements were interesting. I expected people to be fine sleeping on the floor but everyone wants a bed so I managed to squish them on the chairs, the sofa, and our 4 beds which were put together anyway. I had a bad night's sleep because of the gap at my butt and my failing to fight the 2 Jesses for the blanket. We were WAY too lazy to switch off the aircon and ended up getting hit by full breeze BRRRR. There was also a mirror on the ceiling which is meant to be kinky I'm guessing but we just found it scary...

The aftermath
I managed to get up on time, clean up the hotel and go to internship fully awake with Step tagging along. A few days later I got my other presents (Deathadder Chroma, MJ lipstick, CM Arcana, Baymax) and even another cake thanks Wildlife <3

Overall, I didn't actually cry on my 19th birthday, WOOHOOO!

I've got a big mouth

That is all.

What am I even trying.

I need to relax.

I also require adequate amounts of time to figure feels out.

Will write about Bday soon