I guess my parents returning have been, as expected, an unfavorable outcome. Because while only one of them being at home is fine, having both can only mean hell for me because everyone seems to enjoy ganging up on me. Also, it makes my internet lag in ways you can never imagine would be humanly possible.
While I am used to this environment most of the time, it can get really, really... frustrating.
And I apologise if I portray matters in an overly light manner, but I'm pretty much so done over this I only wish that you do please hear me out.
So as most of you know I nominated Japan as first choice for my Int studies. My parents, despite abit unsure were generally fine with it when I told them earlier this year.
So I really didn't understand why shit went down as soon as I got assigned my first choice.
Of course it's about Fukushima again, and of course there are heaps of underlying racist intentions as well. The interesting thing about my parents is that my dad is a fundamentalist who is so stubborn you can pretty much never change his views. While this may mean standing up for what you believe in, most of the time it just complements his lack of education and makes everything bad for everyone. In this case, even if I explain to him in full scientific glory the logic behind the effects of radiation he wouldn't understand and frankly wouldn't care. While my mum is much more smarter, she's also a pushover who would just agree with whatever my dad believes in. So if you tell me that I should explain to them about how all those 'news articles' that they come across on Wechat or ACA are just scam, trust me, I've already tried for an entire year.
How about you tell them that because the nominations are down, you can't change it anymore? You ask. Well as I said, because he never really even finished high school the ideas of credit points and nominations are completely foreign to my father. No I can't just simply 'get it changed' or 'not go', but does he listen? Does he understand? No. What about your mum? You ask again. Well, she just denies ever being supportive of my passions and calls me a filthy liar. Okay.
So currently, I'm stuck in the middle of being disowned and completely overlooked. I'm either transparent (you can tell by the fact that I'm now reduced to a pronoun rather than name or nickname) or the butt of all shittalking in the house (even for stuff that had nothing to do with me, she is somehow able to make shit up and rage at me soon after). I get used to cold-shouldering overtime and now I just accept the outcomes of most things. Obey the hierachy and not cause trouble was my personal policy. Maybe that's why you probably haven't caught me blogging about my home troubles in so long. But sometimes enough is enough.
I thank the existence of my Steam friends to give me temporary shelter and escape to this mess I find myself in. I have messaged the subject coordinator but I don't think there's much hope in an ideal solution. My only other plan is to find the uni counsellor to sit down and talk this out.
Oh, you didn't read any of that? Too much boring, confusing text, would you like a TL;DR?
...
TLDR: I'm fking done with everyone and everything. Life sucks shit atm and I miss being alone. Thinking back on my foreveralone lyf I'd rather be forever isolated from people than having to deal with their shittiness and hide the fact that I just want to beat up everyone. Also can everyone just stop with this Fukushima bullshit and just admit the fact that you're a racist patriotic pig? TYVM.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Friday, August 22, 2014
Transitioning segue or whatever plus a rant
Not too much happened between SMASH and dad returning:
Randomly showed up at Jes' house before the special Hillsong service to pick up my wigs and give her food. After that service I had a sleepover at my Squire and Step's house again. We all fell asleep tessellated on the couch but their family walked in in the morning and it was kinda awks. Also other awks things happened at night my gosh why do I gas at the most inapropro times. Get your crap together digestive system. We went on a mini road trip to Abbotsford to window shop the next day and my phone got hacked real bad LOL.
On the night before dad's return I went makeup shopping at Towers with Estie and we forced Galeo to tag along. My family friend also invited me over for dinner and it went all weird cuz Galeo was sleeping over and so I left him alone at home LOL. I made him grind my solo MMR but two times the opponent DCed and the only time I played (and did well cuz I tried hard) my teammates were scrubs (opponents tried harder) and lost. We managed to go bed early so we can pick up dad the next day.
Turns out both Turtle and I slept in, expecting to get a wake-up call from the other. It was worse on my part cuz I had a dream he didn't pick up when I called him. Anyway we went to pick up dad and all is well until we decided to go KFC for a Gaytime crush and snackbox. We were too early to the drive-thru and had to wait till they open LOL. I had to go Jes' after we got back to fix up our cosplay wigs for the next day (and help her sew her boot covers as well). Cosplaying is so much fun! We got to talk about what's on our minds and just catch up and rant to one another.
RANT TIME
CAN YOU STOP WITH THE MIXED MESSAGES. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE. Sometimes you act like I'm your special only friend and others I don't even get a glance. It's so hard to decide whether I wanna be close to you because while some times you totally welcome it others you completely reject me. MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY. Maybe I'm just damn paranoid and self-conscious and scared to the point of wuss but this whole 'close yet far' thing had dragged on for abit too long! Why do you have to act differently to me around different people? What am I supposed to do with you? Why do I chicken out when it comes to anything related to you when I can be so comfortable with everyone else? Do you have any feelings at all? Or are Jes' eyes deceiving her. Cuz even the two of us have diverging opinions when it comes to you. Can you stop being such a complex character pls because I overthink everything.
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
Randomly showed up at Jes' house before the special Hillsong service to pick up my wigs and give her food. After that service I had a sleepover at my Squire and Step's house again. We all fell asleep tessellated on the couch but their family walked in in the morning and it was kinda awks. Also other awks things happened at night my gosh why do I gas at the most inapropro times. Get your crap together digestive system. We went on a mini road trip to Abbotsford to window shop the next day and my phone got hacked real bad LOL.
On the night before dad's return I went makeup shopping at Towers with Estie and we forced Galeo to tag along. My family friend also invited me over for dinner and it went all weird cuz Galeo was sleeping over and so I left him alone at home LOL. I made him grind my solo MMR but two times the opponent DCed and the only time I played (and did well cuz I tried hard) my teammates were scrubs (opponents tried harder) and lost. We managed to go bed early so we can pick up dad the next day.
Turns out both Turtle and I slept in, expecting to get a wake-up call from the other. It was worse on my part cuz I had a dream he didn't pick up when I called him. Anyway we went to pick up dad and all is well until we decided to go KFC for a Gaytime crush and snackbox. We were too early to the drive-thru and had to wait till they open LOL. I had to go Jes' after we got back to fix up our cosplay wigs for the next day (and help her sew her boot covers as well). Cosplaying is so much fun! We got to talk about what's on our minds and just catch up and rant to one another.
RANT TIME
CAN YOU STOP WITH THE MIXED MESSAGES. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE. Sometimes you act like I'm your special only friend and others I don't even get a glance. It's so hard to decide whether I wanna be close to you because while some times you totally welcome it others you completely reject me. MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY. Maybe I'm just damn paranoid and self-conscious and scared to the point of wuss but this whole 'close yet far' thing had dragged on for abit too long! Why do you have to act differently to me around different people? What am I supposed to do with you? Why do I chicken out when it comes to anything related to you when I can be so comfortable with everyone else? Do you have any feelings at all? Or are Jes' eyes deceiving her. Cuz even the two of us have diverging opinions when it comes to you. Can you stop being such a complex character pls because I overthink everything.
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Belated post on SMASH! 2014
This year's SMASH was quite the experience for me as for the first time ever I'm not an attendee but a crew member working my hardest to optimise other people's experiences.
So starting from where I left off previously, KTran threw a party and the takoyaki/okonomiyaki he cooked were quite legit. Turtle and I spam-played the Lois Lois Mom video to annoy Blewy, who had to cross-dress to rehearse for the next day. Because stupid Bawk had to get there at 6am I commanded everyone to sleep at 10:30... that obviously didn't work out well because we ended up leaving KTran's house at like 11:30... Everyone else went to crash Turtle's while I went home with Sal and Bawk because they were both Staffing. The next morning their alarm rang at 4:30am =_= I was gonna get up at 6 but after that stupidly loud alarm there's no way I'd be able to go back to sleep! So I ended up getting up early, doing my makeup early and making coffee early; just in time for my nigguhs to get here!
Day 1 was a disaster at the start. I wore an M dress and two of the buttons popped flashing me to thank goodness just me... Noone had a sewing kit and I had to get it together with hollywood tape and safety pins. I ended up having to always hold a tray/menu in front of me. I also didn't know the dance so I just kind of bobbed along trying not to embarrass myself. My first two tables of customers were amazeballs. Like they were super cool, responded to my actions well, bought polaroids and are just plain adorable! The second table had super kawaii goshujin-samas and the kawaiiest ones asked for a $5 ripoff polaroid with me. My only regret is not realising that you can put more stickers and draw ON the photos so hopefully I looked nice at least :( Doing maid food magic and fake-fighting with BD was really fun! Upon their visit my friends totally screwed me over these assholes. Then my day became really tiring and one hour break was totally NOT enough. At the end of the day I couldn't wait to go home and rewind with my homies. However that did not go to plan because a bunch of assholes were too busy with their filthy casualness to realise that Blewy and I were literally dying of drowsiness and anger. I actually felt so headachey and sick its not even funny. So I begged Turtle to drive us home and they got pizza on the way. Turns out Jrd's car broke down, Bawk never came back and we had to figure out a way to get to SMASH the next day, luckily that got fixed and Bawk ended up returning at like 1am. GJ Pres GJ.
The next day my feet were already dead but nevertheless I was ready to work my ass off. My customers weren't as cool as the day before and one even had a medical issue. At least I got an L dress so no more popping accidents! I got some polaroid requests still but I still regret not taking a photo of the cute guy polaroid from the day before :( The day went by in a blur and I was pleasantly surprised with my church friends decide to attend! I called to meet up and go home with them afterwards! Squire was so excited about the convention he still couldn't forget about it =_=
Overall, SMASH had been such a valuable experience this year. I got to meet a heckload of wonderful people (seems like a recurring pattern this year) and gain some cosplay satisfaction.
So starting from where I left off previously, KTran threw a party and the takoyaki/okonomiyaki he cooked were quite legit. Turtle and I spam-played the Lois Lois Mom video to annoy Blewy, who had to cross-dress to rehearse for the next day. Because stupid Bawk had to get there at 6am I commanded everyone to sleep at 10:30... that obviously didn't work out well because we ended up leaving KTran's house at like 11:30... Everyone else went to crash Turtle's while I went home with Sal and Bawk because they were both Staffing. The next morning their alarm rang at 4:30am =_= I was gonna get up at 6 but after that stupidly loud alarm there's no way I'd be able to go back to sleep! So I ended up getting up early, doing my makeup early and making coffee early; just in time for my nigguhs to get here!
Day 1 was a disaster at the start. I wore an M dress and two of the buttons popped flashing me to thank goodness just me... Noone had a sewing kit and I had to get it together with hollywood tape and safety pins. I ended up having to always hold a tray/menu in front of me. I also didn't know the dance so I just kind of bobbed along trying not to embarrass myself. My first two tables of customers were amazeballs. Like they were super cool, responded to my actions well, bought polaroids and are just plain adorable! The second table had super kawaii goshujin-samas and the kawaiiest ones asked for a $5 ripoff polaroid with me. My only regret is not realising that you can put more stickers and draw ON the photos so hopefully I looked nice at least :( Doing maid food magic and fake-fighting with BD was really fun! Upon their visit my friends totally screwed me over these assholes. Then my day became really tiring and one hour break was totally NOT enough. At the end of the day I couldn't wait to go home and rewind with my homies. However that did not go to plan because a bunch of assholes were too busy with their filthy casualness to realise that Blewy and I were literally dying of drowsiness and anger. I actually felt so headachey and sick its not even funny. So I begged Turtle to drive us home and they got pizza on the way. Turns out Jrd's car broke down, Bawk never came back and we had to figure out a way to get to SMASH the next day, luckily that got fixed and Bawk ended up returning at like 1am. GJ Pres GJ.
The next day my feet were already dead but nevertheless I was ready to work my ass off. My customers weren't as cool as the day before and one even had a medical issue. At least I got an L dress so no more popping accidents! I got some polaroid requests still but I still regret not taking a photo of the cute guy polaroid from the day before :( The day went by in a blur and I was pleasantly surprised with my church friends decide to attend! I called to meet up and go home with them afterwards! Squire was so excited about the convention he still couldn't forget about it =_=
Overall, SMASH had been such a valuable experience this year. I got to meet a heckload of wonderful people (seems like a recurring pattern this year) and gain some cosplay satisfaction.
Monday, August 11, 2014
Still Foreveralone
Uni has finally started, and I've got to say this semester's timetables sucks major ass! 2-3 hour breaks, anyone? The worst thing is I can't seem to fall asleep during breaks anymore thanks to my newfound coffee addiction... SIGH. Anyhow, it's been a hectic few days... starting from Clubs Day!
As usual I just stuck to our stall. We got alot of visitors from AnimeSydney so afterwards we decided to go eat dinner and chill at City Amusements. The pres trio is amazing at BishiBashi and Blewy at Tekken ermahgerd oshiete kudasai. I got to meet new people and stupid Bawk added fifty people using my facebook... SIGH. SUAnime Welcome BBQ was the biggest MEH of it all. People weren't exactly 'welcoming' or 'friendly' there so I just stuck to my own crowd. Unfortunately for Chairman, she had to meet D-Burger and I can safely say I will make sure that next time the two of them do not cross paths again. He can be very difficult sometimes and I guess for normal people (unlike us who are completely numb and ceebs him) that's just too much.
Which leads me to my next issue... My friends can be such assholes! And somehow I can tolerate it because I can be pretty assholey too, and also my most brutally-honest friends are my best friends (in HS and Uni). I guess people who are only 'nice' just come off as in-genuine to me. It's like that time I stayed behind to play pool with the execs, I was on the bus with Turtle and someone FB messaged him to bitch to him about our table... smooth move bro we freaking caught the same bus. Or someone who bitched about me on their Twitter thinking I won't see cuz it's private... We have mutual friends bro. I guess it's what prompted me to start cold-shouldering some people. If you got a problem, say it! I can't look at them the same anymore, knowing that it's just a facade that they put on to be 'nice'. My closest friends I have the most conflicts with... because they're honest so I can actually trust them! I'm just so disappointed with humanity right now sigh.
Maid Cafe Picnic was a decent bonding experience with my m8s. JL and BD are such perverted yaoi-trolls and we filmed a cringe MV as a butler promotion video. Turns out we actually crashed JASS' event so I got to say hi to my tomodachi there as well. This was when I decided to host my CG house party with Tekken and pizza! Almost everyone ended up showing and didn't make a mess at all! The best, humanity-restoring part of the night was when good ol' Squire stayed back to help clean up/fill up my gaping void of loneliness. The highlight of that was when we jammed to my ukulele in the middle of the night. My voice even recovered yay!
Speaking of parties... Macquarie Chopstix had a welcome party and I decided to attend last minute (after buying Rachey's pres) and I must say some of those attendees (specifically 2) are WEIRD AS HECK. I made sure I steered clear of them (poor Kli so scared). KTran also threw an exec party before SMASH... Which ended up being a disaster but a blessing in disguise. I was supposed to meet up with Turtle to pick up Bawk and Blewy after uni... until my car ran out of batteries! I freaked out and started crying/breaking down. I swear I made sure it still worked 2 days ago! Did I leave the lights on or something? Turtle had to make an emergency trip home to take his car and arrange Jrd to give us lifts on Sunday. I for one just ran to the store (literally) to impulse-buy a new car battery. Noone ended up assembling it because everyone only knew how to jump start a car.
SMASH/Maid Cafe will be in a separate post! I CAN FINALLY PAINT MY NAILS AGAIN HORRAY!
As usual I just stuck to our stall. We got alot of visitors from AnimeSydney so afterwards we decided to go eat dinner and chill at City Amusements. The pres trio is amazing at BishiBashi and Blewy at Tekken ermahgerd oshiete kudasai. I got to meet new people and stupid Bawk added fifty people using my facebook... SIGH. SUAnime Welcome BBQ was the biggest MEH of it all. People weren't exactly 'welcoming' or 'friendly' there so I just stuck to my own crowd. Unfortunately for Chairman, she had to meet D-Burger and I can safely say I will make sure that next time the two of them do not cross paths again. He can be very difficult sometimes and I guess for normal people (unlike us who are completely numb and ceebs him) that's just too much.
Which leads me to my next issue... My friends can be such assholes! And somehow I can tolerate it because I can be pretty assholey too, and also my most brutally-honest friends are my best friends (in HS and Uni). I guess people who are only 'nice' just come off as in-genuine to me. It's like that time I stayed behind to play pool with the execs, I was on the bus with Turtle and someone FB messaged him to bitch to him about our table... smooth move bro we freaking caught the same bus. Or someone who bitched about me on their Twitter thinking I won't see cuz it's private... We have mutual friends bro. I guess it's what prompted me to start cold-shouldering some people. If you got a problem, say it! I can't look at them the same anymore, knowing that it's just a facade that they put on to be 'nice'. My closest friends I have the most conflicts with... because they're honest so I can actually trust them! I'm just so disappointed with humanity right now sigh.
Maid Cafe Picnic was a decent bonding experience with my m8s. JL and BD are such perverted yaoi-trolls and we filmed a cringe MV as a butler promotion video. Turns out we actually crashed JASS' event so I got to say hi to my tomodachi there as well. This was when I decided to host my CG house party with Tekken and pizza! Almost everyone ended up showing and didn't make a mess at all! The best, humanity-restoring part of the night was when good ol' Squire stayed back to help clean up/fill up my gaping void of loneliness. The highlight of that was when we jammed to my ukulele in the middle of the night. My voice even recovered yay!
Speaking of parties... Macquarie Chopstix had a welcome party and I decided to attend last minute (after buying Rachey's pres) and I must say some of those attendees (specifically 2) are WEIRD AS HECK. I made sure I steered clear of them (poor Kli so scared). KTran also threw an exec party before SMASH... Which ended up being a disaster but a blessing in disguise. I was supposed to meet up with Turtle to pick up Bawk and Blewy after uni... until my car ran out of batteries! I freaked out and started crying/breaking down. I swear I made sure it still worked 2 days ago! Did I leave the lights on or something? Turtle had to make an emergency trip home to take his car and arrange Jrd to give us lifts on Sunday. I for one just ran to the store (literally) to impulse-buy a new car battery. Noone ended up assembling it because everyone only knew how to jump start a car.
SMASH/Maid Cafe will be in a separate post! I CAN FINALLY PAINT MY NAILS AGAIN HORRAY!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
