And because I haven't reviewed stuff for a while and this movie really gets me thinking, here's my bratty review.
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| 0mG wE tOtAlLy LoVe AnImAlzz |
Snow White and the Huntsman is a dark, Tim Burton-style interpretation of the original fairy tale. Starring the emotionally-lacking Kristen Stewart, the drop-dead hot Charlize Theron and the Thor-riffic Chris Hemsworth. I've been wanting to watch it since the first ad came out and blocked my Youtube watching experience.
This dumbass king got lucky and married a beautiful queen and they loved each other very very much and then a baby came out and she's got lips red as blood and skin white as snow and all that shenanigan. That queen then faced her inevitable death. The king got lonely and found a hot chick in a wagon. He married her the next day which is totally legal and romantic back in ze day, she must have thought he's too ugly for her and so on the wedding night she stabbed him in his sleep, opened the gates and let in her dark minions to start allyourbasearebelongtous-ing.
Now this queen is actually an old woman with a power to stay young forever by sucking the youth essence out of hot chicks' faces and energy out of hot guys' hearts. Her power also grants her other advantages like healing other people and throwing stuff around the room. She discovers that her powers are waning because Snow White (whom she imprisoned instead of killing/sucking, idiot.) had grown up to be more beautiful than she is (bullshit, Kristen Stewart is ugly as hell) so she set out to finally kill her and consume her heart.
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| You ain't got no alibi |
Now Miss Ugly Snow White here is actually a real fighter with real stamina even though she's been in some dark dungeon for ten years. She miraculously escapes and the queen sends out a middle-aged widowed Huntsman after her. The film follows her Hero's Journey in defeating the queen and claiming the throne for herself.
Besides the problem with the casting, I also have problems with the romance lines within the film. When Snow got poisoned by the apple and died her childhood friend William kissed her goodbye and the audience expects her to come back to life. However, she didn't. It was only after the Huntsman kissed her when he was drunk did she revive. I'm pretty sure the fairy tale ended with a true-love's kiss, so is the movie saying that he's her true love? Let me get some things straight here... while Chris Hemsworth can be cute if he wants to, he is like, middle-aged with a dead wife! Snow White can't be more than 18/19! They are promoting pedophilia! Since I'm studying Emma and Emma ended up marrying Knightly who's 37 the Huntsman looked like he's in his 40s! That scene came out completely wrong for me.
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| Dafuq did I just watch |
Snow White's death scene also had problems. It not only caused an abrupt end to her journey which took effing forever it also magically transported the crew safe and soundly back to the King's friend's stronghold? It made the entire journey pointless! The director must have ran out of time in order to justify the whole point of the journey. Also, the Sanctuary scene with all the pretty quirky creatures seemed pretty pointless as well. It had been a nice break away from the Dark Themes but not enough to make me like it.
Complaints about unjustified scenes aside, the camerawork and the special effects had been realistic and well-done. The queen's rapid-aging and quick-healing had been extremely realistic and suspenseful. I also liked the part where the queen reminisced about her past and how her powers and evilness came to be. A shame it only took a minute of screentime when it should definitely deserve more than the scenes in the paragraph above.
Overall, I give this movie a 6/10. Parts I disliked ultimately surpassed the parts I did like.
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| Please don't kill me fans. |
