Life Stahp.

  I got a few exam results back. I'm alright with them (yes even my crappy near-fail modern mark because c'mon admit it I didn't know anything about anything when I went into the exam. E for Effort.) I'll do the Great Gatsby Review later when I actually decide to give a crap.

  Speaking of giving a crap, I think I understand some of the things Jimface said to me that day. The world doesn't revolve around me, there's no need for others to know all my problems because it's just burdensome. What did they say about swallowing your pride or something? The thing is I'm having a hard time doing that. I've become so accustomed to solving my personal issues via telling them to others it's incredibly difficult to keep stuff to myself. I understand how he was complaining about how I don't seem to care about how others feel because it's always about me. And I quote Mr Duck: "Ultimately, nobody really cares, because every man for himself".

  Recently I've been trying to shut myself in, nobody needs to know about what I ate for breakfast or how I'm having issues with parents. NOBODY. And it's not "Teenage angst nobody-cares-about-me" bullshit, I'm serious. Think of it as self-improvement, I need to help out others more and find out more about them. Just like Jimface AKA Douchebagslut had always wanted. But it's just so hard to do that, so very hard. I feel like my insides are gonna burst from the amount of crap they've been storing.

  The solution? Violence. I find it extremely helpful to smash my bed and hard as crap mattress with a full-latex luxurious pillow. I also enjoy pelting articles of clothing around my room aiming for the stupid snob chandelier in the center of my room (my poor aim and upper-arm strength had never succeeded in hitting it).

  Some recent events I find concerning:
- Dad used a bread knife with a ribbed but still pretty sharp edge and LITERALLY ran it a few times on the back of my wrist, it didn't leave a visible mark or hurt at all but DAFUQ
- Internet on my computer has been acting up.
- Joffrey makes me sick.
- I've been missing LGD matches and it makes me sad.
- It seems my mother has finally decided to neglect everything and just work.

  Hard game hard life.

I think I'll take a moment to slap myself

  So today I finally took the initiative to find out who this controversial Timstar is, and needless to say I wish I hadn't because my eyes... THEY BURN! I also found out what LG stood for and what do you know I can name quite a few 'LGs' on the top of my head. What's going on with the 10- grades? PULL DEM SKIRTS DOWN AND TURN YO 'SWAG' OFF. I feel so old and prudent.

  I also got to look back at my Facebook posts this year... again. I realised that 90% of its content is instafood, 2% friends and 8% stupid statuses/dp updates/cover photo. So, considering I barely use Facebook to post on walls and what not maybe it's a good indication for me to give it up... idk.

  I know I'm always self-conscious but, there's this constant fear at the back of my head thinking that everyone thinks I'm stupid and annoying and are only nice to me because well they're nice people. I over-judge my past actions and think omg was I too weird? Was what I said retarded and stupid? Are my hobbies consisting of anime, Kpop, Youtube and video games really undermining my social life? Big questions. Is my constant ditz just a facade I am unaware of? Why do I act like that? I'd see myself as someone rational sitting in front of the computer screen looking back at how I socialise and twitching uncomfortably... URGH you know what I mean? Fak. So will I be remembered as the crazy stupid chick who played a tad bit too much video games which possibly ruined their results? Even bigger questions.

  Got Steam back to patch and buy compendium, goddammit Burger now my compendium has your st00pid name on it. Not many people online, one game invite and 2 people asking what the heck I was doing back did I quit HSC or something. Oh dear.

Exams are half over, and so is my life.

  Why yes ATAR calculator, tell me more about how happy I will be after receiving my 72 ATAR... HAPPY IN HEAVEN MAYBE. Wow dude pick up your game, but you can't do that can you considering YOU HAD NO IDEA ABOUT WHAT YOU WROTE IN THE LAST MODERN EXAM, GOT SCREWED OVER BY TIME LIMIT IN HAMLET, MARKED CRAPPILY FOR EXT 2 AND BARELY MANAGED TO FINISH ECO AND EXT 1 (PLEASE GOOD MARK FOR THOSE PLEASE).

  Being the smart person that I am I told my mum who told me that I deserved it for not studying hard enough and also that I should shut up and not talk to her. :okay:

  I've also achieved next to nothing so far in my 5-day break. I'm even finding ways to get out of working hard for Chinese (teacher told me to change topic I said NO TOO MUCH EFFORT). Frick, something is seriously wrong with me. Is it because without games I've become less motivated? No, I have plenty of motivation, I'm just a stupid lazy bish who would rather die than do work huh?